Posts Tagged ‘spiritual sexuality’

Sex is a Head Game!

April 30, 2012

 Sex is a head game based on myth, ignorance and misdirection.  The human body is a fantastic creation, much of it working just fine without any outside help.  Further it can be trained both physically and mentally to operate either beyond or below its “normal” functions.  Normal is defined “mathematically” as what most people do and think.

 A hasty generalization would be most of us are genetically predisposed to heterosexual relationships and inculcated to monogamy.  Some are not.   Within the majority, most are unaware of normal physiological sexual responses beyond small orgasms and many women are lacking even these.  We are trained and conditioned to deny our sexuality, our humanity.

 Most women in the USA have suffered sexual abuse in some form ranging from emotional abuse to sexual molestation (under 16) and rape.  This exists to some degree in every country in the world.  Our experience, including the myths we are taught to believe, uniquely shapes our perceptions.  Perceptions have their origins in our heads.  Ergo, sex is a head game.

 The myth under which most men suffer is sex is about pleasure: “getting their rocks off.”  Women are then either used like blow-up dolls for self-pleasure, or so much pressure is placed on men to “satisfy” their partner, they suffer emotional erectile dysfunction.  These are extremes, but they exist with an infinite range in between. 

 My experience and research have impacted my perception of sex as well.  Today, I see sex as a mechanism for transmitting love, where pleasure and ecstasy are by-products.  But we are not trained to love.  We are trained to not love, including in our intimate relationships.  Thankfully, some men have escaped the myths and conditioning and can love.  Not many, but they are out there!  Our re-training continues, for as it is said, “God isn’t finished with us yet.”

 Copyright Art Noble 2012

http://www.thesacredfemale.com

“The Mystery of Sex”

February 28, 2012

Napoleon Hill            Don’t blame me.  I didn’t say it.  Napoleon Hill said it.  It is the title of a chapter in one of his books.  Who th’ hell is Napoleon Hill, you ask?  He was the Deepak Chopra and Tony Robbins of the 1920’s and 1930’s.  His book, Think and Grow Rich, was published in 1937!  That’s seventy-five years ago!  That was even before MY time!

You can read this chapter on line at http://books.google.com/books?id=c86H36mgiM4C&pg=PP&&dq=According+to+Napoleon+Hill,+98%25+…#PPA182,M1  starting on page 182.

Here are some quotes from that book:

The emotion of sex brings into being a state of mind.  Because of ignorance on the subject, this state of mind in generally associated with the physical, and because of improper influences, to which most people have been subjected, in acquiring knowledge of sex; things essentially physical have highly biased the mind. 

The emotion of sex, has back of it the possibility of three constructive potentialities, they are—

1.      The perpetuation of Mankind.

2.      The maintenance of health, (as a therapeutic agency, it has no equal).

3.      The transformation of mediocrity into genius through transmutation. (Bold emphasis is mine.)

 “Highly biased”?  See my blog on dysassociative sex.  His items 1 & 2 are what I call the pleasure/procreation paradigm.  But, his item #3 is why I wrote The Sacred Female!  The transmutation he speaks of may be a result of the transcendental experience I speak of.  However, the transcendental experience may not be necessary for the transmutation.  (Transmutation is simply the changing of one element or form of energy into another.)  But, more Hill.

Love, romance and sex are all emotions capable of driving men to heights of super achievement.  Love is the emotion which serves as a safety valve, and insures balance, poise, and constructive effort.  When combined, these three emotions may lift one to an altitude of a genius. There are genuii, however, who know but little of the emotion of love.  Most of them may be found engaged in some form of action which is destructive or at least, not based upon justice and fairness toward others.  If good taste would permit, a dozen genii could be named in the field of industry and finance who ride ruthlessly over the rights of their fellow men.  They seem totally lacking in conscience.  The reader can easily supply his own list of such men.  (Bold emphasis mine.)

Can you imagine?  He wrote this long before George Bush was born!  Nah!  Bush is no genius.

Now, you may think I wrote The Sacred Female to enhance the pleasure of women.  OK.  I did.  Why?  Accepting the various sexual responses of women is a part of loving them.  It seems the greater their sexual pleasure, the easier it is for them to provide this transcendental experience for men.  It clears the decks for action.  However, MEN ARE THE RECIPIANTS OF THIS GENIUS!  I wrote the book so men could survive and prosper in the tough times ahead.  I figured women would be the best teachers.

PS.  You can read The Sacred Female at http://authonomy,com, a Harper Collins UK site.  I’ve tried figuring out the URL, but unless you paste it into a new browser, it won’t work.    Here it is:

http://www.ask.com/bar?q=authonomy.com&page=1&qsrc=0&zoom=&ab=0&u=http%3A%2F%2Fauthonomy.com%2F

www.thesacredfemale.com

Copyright 2012 Art Noble

A “Higher Purpose” for Men and Women

February 25, 2012

(This will be the “Author’s Note” in The Alchemy of Erotic Love… for Guys.)

kissing  When it comes to women, men are taught to view them as either “brood cows” or “Pleasure Palaces.”  It wasn’t always this way.  We are taught to penetrate them as we did the enemy long ago, with sword and spear from behind a shield.  Even the word, vagina, means “scabbard” or “sheath” in Latin.  The bedroom is not a battlefield!  We treat them as a glass of beer, sipping only the frothy head, leaving the delicious nectar beneath to go flat and stale.  We do this at our own peril!

Join me as we look at woman without the perfumed blinders of pleasure and/or procreation.  We will look at her scientifically through the magnifying lens of love.  This lens is not the mushy gushy stuff of chick flicks, rather the lens that focuses the sun’s energy on us to ignite the creative flames of men’s souls.

I will not lead you down some primrose path of ethereal foo-foo talk.  I have been there and they all dead-end for me.  I wanted hard-core answers!  However, science hasn’t been there yet.  The flame in me can only suggest what science might find when they get there.  If my scientific speculation on what might be going on in the human body is wrong, it doesn’t make any difference.  The results are there, if you want them.

Many Gurus will tell you, ”I am right.  Believe me.”  I won’t.  As the old saying goes, “The proof of the pudding is in the tasting.”  Don’t believe me!  Try it for yourself.  Only when you have the results, will you believe me, and my speculative mechanisms still could be wrong.  I don’t think so, but it makes no difference.  The results are there, if you want them.

Oh, yes.  Our higher purpose?  To love and be loved.  That simple!

Copyright 2012 Art Noble

http://www.thesacredfemale.com

It’s a Sad Fact…

January 10, 2012

It is a sad fact that “knowledge” about love and sex has been dictated to us over the centuries.  Most of it is myth and misinformation.  We believe we have to “like” some one in order to love them.  Although this is quite true in intimate relationships, is not true about the rest of the world.  We can wish for, or pray for, or think about the highest good of others without even knowing who they are or what their highest good is!  We may abhor their behavior, but still wish for their highest good.

When it gets up close and personal—here I speak of acquaintances, friends and neighbors—we have the opportunity to not only “think about,” but actually do something that may be in their best interest and higher good.  Sometimes, it is just staying out of their way.

For most guys, and a lot of women, love has been removed from sex, or confused with it.  We view sex simply as a pleasurable activity with someone we may or may not love, like or even know.  Well, yeah.  We have a natural sexual desire.  It comes from the paraventricular nucleus in the hypothalamus; the same place thirst comes from.  So, as long as we get thirsty, we will have sexual desire. (Pass me a glass of water.)  The hypothalamus is the size of a pea and the paraventricular nucleus is a tiny part of it.  I never knew such a little thing could get me in so much trouble!

 Intimate sexual love takes time.  There are two reasons for this. 

  1. Biochemical.  It takes longer for the bonding hormone oxytocin to build up in the man than it does in the woman.
  2. Social.  We all wear masks when on the hunt: both men and women.  To get to really know a person takes time.  We have to be comfortable with them and that is a function of who we really are as well as who they are.  Some wear masks all their lives.

When we do get to know them—emotionally—then we can get to know them physically.  The Kama Sutra recommends taking three days of non-genital erotic play after marriage to get to know each other’s bodies.  There are many more erogenous zones on the human body than the genitalia, and they are all different for each of us.

 It seems today, everybody is worried about the “Big O.”  First, that is only one of many sexual responses, some making the Big O seem like a non-event and sexual contact, intercourse or masturbation is not necessary to produce any of them!  But, we haven’t been told this or trained in it.  Honestly, from what I’ve heard from most guys their “Big O” isn’t much more than prostate maintenance coupled with an ego trip.

 We’ve heard about “magic buttons” on women, like the clitoris and G spot.  But for both genders the real “magic button” is the essence of your beloved!  Get to know it, and then open yourself to let love reverently flow through you to that essence.  Think about transmitting love rather than producing pleasure.  Now, you are making love instead of having sex.  You’ll be amazed at the difference!

Copyright Art Noble 2012 

www.thesacredfemale.com

Joyful Bioluminescence

November 11, 2011

ArtNobleFireflies Who am I?

I am a man blessed by knowing some fantastic women in my life and cursed with curiosity.  When I say, “knowing” I mean both in the Biblical sense and over the Internet.  The original title of this piece was “Orgasmic Bioluminescence.”  Because I observed it on orgasm as did the people I contacted or who contacted me to validate this experience. I quote two of them on the back cover of The Sacred Female.  A woman in Arkansas told me when she wanted to glow, she’d call a certain fellow in town, he’d come up the mountain, they would get it on, she would glow and that was it.

BUT, a woman recently shared with me she glowed while singing “And the Glory” in a chorus performing The Messiah.  Additionally, she was carrying a “bundle of joy” in her belly at the time.  Afterward, people asked her why the spot light was on her during that song and she had no idea what they were talking about!  The good news is it is not just about sex! And, we can be joyful in being with our beloved.

So what is it?

Bioluminescence is the opposite of photosynthesis.  You know, the process that takes light to activate chlorophyll in leaves to turn them green.  We also use light energy to run our bodies.  Sunshine is a “natural” Vitamin D.  Not really.  We take on the photons (light energy) to manufacture Vitamin D in our bodies.  Bioluminescence is simply the giving off of photons rather than the taking on.  We see it normally in fireflies and certain marine organisms.

What causes it?

Scientists, in their study of fireflies, etc., don’t know, but believe it to be associated with Adenosine Tri Phosphate (ATP).  ATP is like a wallet for energy, produced by the cells.  I don’t know about fireflies, but it carries energy through our bodies.  It this specific case, when we create an excess of energy, it is given off as photons through the skin.  It is rare and there is no money in it so science doesn’t study it.  Few have even heard of it.

How does it occur?

I learned from Chyna Pi in the ancient Sacred Shamanic Sexual texts it is called, “Dragon’s Fire/Breath” and is the result of a breathing exercise.  Think of hyperventilation.  When we engage in rapid, deep breathing, our fingers and toes go numb.  I imagine this exercise is something like that.  We build up O2 and reduce CO2 in our bodies.  But, there is more to it.  It also has to do with mental discipline and clearing the mind.  But consider, when making love, where you are focused on giving love through your body to your partner and open to receiving love from them, And there is not much else on your mind.

Now consider as you approach the orgasmic plateau, with a love focused mind, the autonomic nervous system takes over and naturally sets up the breathing rhythm to produce these results, mimicking the Shamanic breathing exercise.  Further, PET scans of humans having an orgasm show oxygen flow to the brain is shut off, where fMRI’s show an increase in blood flow.  There are a lot of things happening in the human body about which we have no knowledge.  We can only speculate, as I just did.  Let’s just say humans are fantastic creatures.

Here we can see how singing, a task that requires specialized breathing, can play into this.  We can also see how joy of singing this particular piece and the joy of being physically bonded with our beloved can produce this.  So, here we have a phenomenon that can be produced out of pure joy and the breathing associated with it, or simply by breathing alone, essentially mimicking the joy we feel.  Of course, this is speculation, but I like speculating this way.

Chicken or egg?

None of the men and women I contacted who claim to have observed or done this, ever mentioned “Dragon’s Fire/Breath” or “Shamanic Sex.”  Until I met Chyna Pi.  So, I’m thinking the non-sexual breathing exercise arose from sexual experience, not the other way around.  But, I also think the animal headed humans we see in ancient carvings from around the world arose from a transcendent sexual experience called Trespasso.  But, who knows?

This should not be considered a “goal” of sex, unless you have studied for years under a shaman who is familiar with it.  (There are few today.)  This is probably an expression, a physical manifestation of love and joy: the joy of being bonded with your beloved.  Simply focus on love and let go of everything else.  Something else just as wonderful may happen.  In the mean time, let us light up the world with the joy of being with our beloved.

Copyright Art Noble 2011

http://www.thesacredfemale.com

Orgasmic Bioluminescence

November 2, 2011

 Who am I?

I am a man blessed by knowing some fantastic women in my life and cursed with curiosity.  When I say “knowing” I mean both in the Biblical sense and over the Internet.  A few men and women around the world validated my experience with orgasmic bioluminescence.  I quote two of them on the back cover of The Sacred Female.  A woman in Arkansas told me when she wanted to glow, she’d call a certain fellow in town, he’d come up the mountain, they would get it on, she would glow and that was it.

So what is it?

Bioluminescence is the opposite of photosynthesis.  You know, the process that takes light to activate chlorophyll in leaves to turn them green.  We also use light energy to run our bodies.  Sunshine is a “natural” Vitamin D.  Not really.  We take on the photons (light energy) to manufacture Vitamin D in our bodies.  Bioluminescence is simply the giving off of photons rather than the taking on.  We see it normally in fireflies and certain marine organisms.

What causes it?

Scientists, in their study of fireflies, etc., don’t know, but believe it to be associated with Adenosine Tri Phosphate (ATP).  ATP is like a wallet for energy, produced by the cells.  I don’t know about fireflies, but it carries energy through our bodies.  It this specific case, when we create an excess of energy, it is given off as photons through the skin.  It is rare and there is no money in it so science doesn’t study it.  Few have even heard of it.

How does it occur?

I learned from Chyna Pi in the ancient Sacred Shamanic Sexual texts it is called, “Dragon’s Fire/Breath” and is the result of a breathing exercise.  Think of hyperventilation.  When we engage in rapid, deep breathing, our fingers and toes go numb.  I imagine this exercise is something like that.  We build up O2 and reduce CO2 in our bodies.  But, there is more to it.  It also has to do with mental discipline and clearing the mind.  But consider, when making love, where you are focused on giving love through your body to your partner and open to receiving love from them, there is not much else on your mind.

Now consider as you approach the orgasmic plateau, with a love focused mind, the autonomic nervous system takes over and naturally sets up the breathing rhythm to produce these results, mimicking the Shamanic breathing exercise.  Further, PET scans of humans having an orgasm show oxygen flow to the brain is shut off, where fMRI’s show an increase in blood flow.  There are a lot of things happening in the human body about which we have no knowledge.  We can only speculate, as I just did.  Let’s just say humans are fantastic creatures.

Chicken or egg?

None of the men and women I contacted who claim to have observed or done this, ever mentioned “Dragon’s Fire/Breath” or “Shamanic Sex.”  Until I met Chyna Pi.  So, I’m thinking the non-sexual breathing exercise arose from sexual experience, not the other way around.  But, I also think the animal headed humans we see in ancient carvings from around the world arose from a transcendent sexual experience called Trespasso.  But, who knows? 

This should not be considered a “goal” of sex, unless you have studied for years under a shaman who is familiar with it.  (There are few today.)  Simply focus on love and let go of everything else.  Something else just as wonderful may happen.

Copyright Art Noble 2011

http://www.thesacredfemale.com

LOVE ~ Sex ~ BODY

October 25, 2011

 

Our ignorance about sex is a root problem of the world’s social and economic ills.  Further, we are told to stay ignorant!  When we do “look” at sex, it is generally under a microscope, behind closed doors.  It is not a topic for public discussion.  “It’s bad.”  In the general consciousness of man, we are laden with myth and disinformation, essentially designed to keep us ignorant.

The first step in our brainwashing is to separate men from women with stories like the Myth of Lilith and “authoratitive” documentation such as the Malleus Maleficarum, the most misogynistic document in the history of man.  Next, we separate  sex from love.  Sex is bad.  Love is good.  Therefore they are separate.  Unfortunately, too many people, mostly women, recognize these things belong together.  The task is to get men on the same page.

The next step in our brainwashing is to focus on pleasure.  Under the “right” circumstances, and there are many, sexual activity releases various hormones and neurotransmitters into the body, giving us the sense of pleasure.  Whoopee.  But, for most this sense of pleasure is like McDonalds compared to the ecstasy of Chateaubriand available to us.  We are putting th em-PHA-sis on the wrong syl-LAB-le.  Then we are told feeling pleasure is bad, so when we do, we must be guilty of something? 

The third step is to take the “bad box” into which we have placed sex and color it with conditions so that even if a little love squeezes through, it is so “conditionalized” we are deprived of the full advantages to mankind.  We are being brainwashed out of our humanity!

This is a brief statement of the problem.  The solution is integrative education.  It is not difficult to imagine every human being on the planet having a slightly to totally different perspective on love and sex, including religious, spiritual and scientific leaders in their various fields.  Many in sexual science do not even consider the impact of love in their experiments.  There are a few.  Many spiritual leaders tell us to “get centered,” then take a cookie cutter to our genitalia in the center of our bodies!

Kabbalahist Karen Berg, teaches, “God is energy.”  God is Love, so Love is energy.  I have a different perspective too.  Perhaps when we can get together and learn from each other, we will all begin to understand the fantastic benefits of sexual love.

copyright Art Noble 2011

www.thesacredfemale.com

An Overview

October 22, 2011

Sex is at the root of life: without it, there would be no life!  It is a part of life we generally put into “boxes” of different shapes, colors and sizes, isolating it from the rest of life.  For the most part, we remain ignorant of values other than pleasure and/or procreation and even limit ourselves in these areas.

 

Love is a “many splendored” spectrum.  Scientists all over the world contribute to knowledge of aspects of this spectrum and its beneficial impact on humans in specific areas.  We talk about “making love” which for many is simply a justification for having sex.  Our concepts of love vary from person to person as do the boxes into which we put sex.

 

We are at a point in history where science is making inroads into discoveries about the human body from sub-microscopic discoveries about our genetic code to gross anatomical and physiological discoveries about our sexual bodies.  Even our “psychological bodies” are falling into the realm of science.  Perhaps, as the saying goes, “God isn’t finished with us yet.” 

 

Since Einstein and the field of quantum mechanics, everything seems to be about energy, even life itself!  Energy, then, may be a common denominator for viewing love, sex and the impact of these things on the human body.

 

In reality, it makes no difference what science discovers.  Science can only put names to what happens; it will happen with or without names.  However, science can show possible mechanisms for our continuing evolution, beyond the standard gene pool theory.

 

At this time, there is little or no integration of the various disciplines bringing these topics under the umbrella of life.  Perhaps it is time to begin to integrate the fields?  The average man on the street requires no knowledge of quantum mechanics or anatomy or genetics to accomplish the improvements in his life.  As Hill put it in 1937, “The combination of love, sex and romance can raise a man from mediocrity to the altitude of genius.”[1]  It happens!


[1] Think and Grow Rich, Hill, N,  Random House, New York, 1996

copyright Art Noble 2011

www.thesacredfemale.com

Chyna Pi

October 18, 2011

I “met” Chyna Pi on My Space a few years ago.  She is a “sex worker” practicing Shamanic Sex.  When I met her, I didn’t know there was such a thing as Shamanic Sex.  In that it is a discipline, it is like Tantra.  Some would call Chyna a whore, prostitute, and other derogatory names.  I don’t.  She is a teacher.

 It was Chyna who explained to me what I call “Orgasmic Bioluminescence” is the same thing as “Dragon’s Fire/Breath,” a Shamanic breathing exercise that results in bioluminescence.  Sex isn’t necessary.  (Bioluminescence is the opposite of photosynthesis.  In photosynthesis, the body takes on light energy, photons, to perform a task.  Bioluminescence is simply the release of photons from the body.)

 I observed this in my partner of a few years ago and I think I was too awe-struck to be scared!  I’ve chatted on line with women around the world who have experienced this; one told me her husband also glows.    I also mention this response in The Sacred Female.  The only thing I can figure out is that as we reach the orgasmic plateau, our breathing sometimes naturally mimics the Shamanic exercise?

 I have a dream!  I want to get a bunch of multi-disciplined scientists together for a conference on Love, Sex and God, then start the conference with Chyna Pi demonstrating Dragon’s Fire/Breath.  I’m thinking of Dr. Beverly Whipple in sexual science, Dr. Bruce Lipton in microbiology, Dr. Lissa Rankin, Ob/Gyn, Dr. Francine King in Psychiatry, Dr. Gina Ogden in Psychology, a couple of Russians who are working with thought energy impacting our DNA, Karen Burke, the woman who teaches the Kabbalah in Southern California where God is energy, Dr. Ted McIlvenna at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, and a few others.  I’m mean.  I just want to warp their minds.

 We humans are fantastic creatures, especially women.  When men begin to let go of all the BS ideas we’ve been fed over the centuries, we’ll know how fantastic we are too!

Copyright Art Noble 2011

http://www.thesacredfemale.com

Behaviors of Love

October 8, 2011

There are a thousand ways to make love with a woman.  If you add sex, you have one thousand and one.  Each of these basic ways has many variations, some of which you may already do.  Add some more!

 There are six basic behaviors of Love: Communicating, Nourishing, Touching, Grooming, Gazing and Playing.  Each of these is a mechanism for transmitting love.  Remember, we can love the guys on our softball team, without wanting to take a shower with them. These behaviors are applicable across the spectrum, with different degrees of intimacy, within social and cultural boundaries.  Many of these current boundaries I find excessively restrictive.

Look at the words “love” and “being in love.”  The latter is more geared to erotic love, which is what we are talking about.  The current culture errs in not bringing the other segments of the love spectrum into play when we are “in love” with a woman.  None of us are going to be “perfect” nor do we have to be.  We don’t have to like everybody.  We can love them from a distance.  People who man the lines at soup kitchens usually don’t know the persons on the other side of the table, yet they are aiding in nourishing the needy: a gift of love.  There are too many ways to love others for this blog, with combinations of these behaviors.  But you get the idea.

Communication.  This is a biggie!  Talking is a variation and expansion of mating calls.  Robin Williams in The Dead Poet’s Society noted that man invented language to woo women.  Fortunately, the wooing never stops and gets better with time… if we work on it.  Both of us!  There are also times when it is best to shut up.   Knowing your partner means knowing when these times are.  Our voices generate sonic energy.  We each have our own unique tone quality.  More importantly, there are “overtones” reflecting the sincerity of what is in our heart.  (I think this is how a girl’s crapmeter works.)  I’ve known guys with squeaky voices who are married to some wonderful women.  Although how we sound is #2 on the general attraction list for girls, it is not the whole bag.

Definitions.  Next, come the words we use, and how the other party interprets them, rather than how we mean them.  Take the word “cunt.”  Today, and for over 200 years, (in English) it is viewed as a vile disgusting and derogatory word.  There are many authoritative guesses as to its origin, most dating back to about 3000 BCE in different parts of the world.  In India, it comes from the word kunda, transliterated as “bowl” or “water pot.”  This in turn gave us the Kundalini, the sacred-snake life force, or sexual response.  In Sumeria, the cuneiform symbol for woman was the inverted triangle (chalice) with the vertical cleft: an obvious representation of the vulva.  The symbol also meant “giver of life.”  Modern archeologists, who have little knowledge of sexual biology, interpret this as childbirth.  I suggest it may also be a giver of a new, metaphysical life.  Reginier de Gaff around 1660 suggested the word came from the stylus used to make the cleft in dampened clay, cunnus in Latin.  Yet in the 1785 edition of Grose’s Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue has it as, “****.”  The 1788 edition has it as “c**t – a nasty word for a nasty thing.”  In the dark ages it was a playful word, and still is in some other European languages.[1]

So, even though your intention may be to express your awe and gratitude to your beloved for awakening your creative life force, and allowing you to know her magnificent essence, it is not suggested you call her a cunt, until you know how she will receive this word.

Words are also important during the act of making love, providing audio energy to complement the sexual energy being generated below, as well as providing a focal mechanism away from the physical.  In Tantric sex, there are mantras to recite.  Many women are turned on by the use of four-letter words.  “Love” is a good one to use, but that was not what is generally meant.

Syntax.  How do we string words together?

“You Should…” There are also words and phrases we need to stay away from.  English is a funny language. “Should” is an auxiliary, or “helping,” verb, designed to be used in the subjunctive, or “iffy,” mode.  An example would be, “Should we go to the movies today?” Or, “Should this come to pass, then all will be well.”  In the last sentence, we could substitute “if” for “should.”   The subjects of the sentences follow the auxiliary verb, “should.”

Now, let’s turn it backwards and put the subject “you” before the auxiliary verb should, and the mode of the sentence changes from the subjunctive (iffy) to the declarative mode, or “You should do thus and such!”  This is a mechanism for transmitting toxic shame!  The nasty thing is you can’t transmit what you don’t have.  So, quit using it and quit listening to it!  All our lives we’ve been told what we should and shouldn’t do.  Seldom do people bother to explain that behaving in a certain way could be beneficial or detrimental to our well-being.  They just say, “You should…!”  So we pick up the habit.  When it comes to erotic love, we hear “You shouldn’t!”  (If you heard that, you weren’t supposed to.  Quit listening to it!)  This is just an addendum for your consideration.

It is easy to say, “You should treat women with respect.”  I’m not going to tell anybody what they should or should not do.  I want to give you a reason, or many reasons, why it is in your best interest or interests to do so.

Nourishing.  Nourishing includes feeding, emotional uplifting, “spiritual” guidance and sometimes we can nourish with a touch: a pat on the back or a touch on the arm. We should note that women are better at spiritual guidance than men!  Feeding is another important task.  Men (in our culture) are supposed to bring home the bacon and women are supposed to cook it up.  This is a long accepted division of labor, but there is no writing in stone and men usually control the back-yard barbeque, some help with the dishes and perform many other chores once relegated to women.  As a woman “sweats” over a hot stove, men “sweat” over a hot barbeque.  It is more than a sense of pride that accompanies us bringing the perfectly done steaks to the table; it is an offering of love.  More guys need to think of it this way!

Emotional uplifting is required.  Generally, a relationship you want to last won’t, in an atmosphere of criticism, sarcasm, shaming and other forms of negativity.  Why?  When one points his or her finger at another, three fingers point back.  The damage we do to ourselves is three times the damage we do to others.  Unfortunately, we are all “perfect” where we are.  The point is to improve ourselves and allow those around and with us to grow as well.  When we damage ourselves, we will be “perfect” there too.  We’ll just have a harder road to climb.  This includes non-sexual relationships as well.

Consider “spiritual guidance” not as throwing out quotes from the Bible or Koran, but rather removing your ego from the situation as much as possible and focusing on the “us” and “we,” and love.”

We “nourish” our friends as well.  We may spring for lunch, or just listen to their problems, or give them a pat on the back.  We may do something for them that they are incapable of doing or help them lift something heavy or simply give them their space.

Touching.   Touching may or may not be erotic in nature.  An “ataboy” pat on the back is certainly not erotic in nature.  But, there are far more erotic touches than most of us are aware.  Every inch of a woman’s body can be an “erotic zone” if and when the desire to be touched by her lover is present.  Men aren’t too shabby either.  This type of erotic play has not been generally encouraged in men.  Getting touched in new places means becoming intimate with your partner.  (Get over it! You’ll probably enjoy it!)  Having knowledge of your partner’s whole body and her of your’s, can provide for some very interesting and pleasurable experiences.  Note in the chart, there are many different kinds of touch.  Do you know which one is most enjoyed by your partner and in what location?  Find out!  We should point out one of the first and best known books on erotic love, The Kama Sutra, recommends three days of non-genital erotic play before consummating a marriage.  We can wonder if anybody ever listened to that advise.  But, it is a good idea to gain knowledge of the rest of your partner’s body, as well as that of which you already have knowledge.  It isn’t too late to start.

Other forms of love also exhibit touching behaviors.  With parents and infants, or parents and children, hugs are a mechanism for exhibiting love to (and from) the child.  In some cultures and Western sub-cultures, hugs may be an expression of close friendship (love).  Have you ever seen NFL players after winning a game?  However, it is not suggested that a stranger-fan grab one for a hug off the street.  This not only represents an expression of joy, but a reinforcement of the bond they have.  Strangers don’t have this bond.  This may seem obvious, but it is applicable in many situations and that goes back to boundaries.

This matrix is obviously to be used with some common sense.  You don’t want to spank, pinch, squeeze or otherwise possibly injure various body parts like the eyes.  Also, one size does not fit all.  Women have tremendous potential with varying touches on different parts of their bodies and exploration is half the fun.

Kinds of Non-Genital, Erotic Touch Matrix[2]

Erotic Touching by hand, by mouth by tongue or by nose

Where on body     /Petting       Rubbing    Stroking   Squeezing   Pinching   Spanking   Other

Scalp

Hair

Cheeks

Eyes

Lids

Nose

Lips

Tongue

Ears

Back of Ear

Earlobes

Neck

Throat

Shoulders

Breasts

Nipples

Armpits

Ribs

Stomach

Abdomen

Upper back

Lower back

Buttocks

Upper Arms

Lower arms

Elbows

Wrists

Palms

Fingers

Outer thighs

Inner thighs

Knees

Behind Knees

Ankles

Feet

Toes

Full Body

Other

             Smelling.  This was deliberately left out of the six.  It is a much more private behavior.  Some time after a bath, an hour or two when her natural body smell returns, give her a big smell, from the tip of her little toe on the left foot, up, down and all around to the tip of her toe on the right foot.  Take the time to smell her… all over!  You’ll be amazed at what it can do for you… and her!  She may not tell you she likes to smell your sweaty work shirts, but a lot of women do.  They are getting down to the real you!

As how you sound was generally #2 in your attraction to women, how you smell is #1.  I’m not talking BO or the cologne and anti-perspirant you use.  Here we speak of something deep seated and primal in women.  According to Buss and Meston[3], most women have the ability to smell the aroma generated by our Major Histocompatibility Complex (MHC) located on chromosome #6.  This is an indicator of how strong the immune system of your offspring will be.  You either smell “right” or “wrong.”  I don’t know if there is anything we can do about it, or why would we want to?  We are who we are.  Further, if we hook-up with her, a) she may not be able to stand our smell when we are making love, and b) our kids may be sick all the time.

I think we guys are wired differently.  Our sense of smell is more directed to prey or game, with one exception as it relates to women.  Some women have a hair smell on the top of their head I can only describe as “dysfunctional.”   This is how I perceived it at the time.  This doesn’t mean they are going to screw up another guy’s life; they may smell fine to somebody else.  I see no difference between the smell on the top of their head and how I perceive it, and my MHC and how they perceive it.  Anyway, no matter how desirable they are physically, and emotionally, I would suggest backing off.  All it means is they aren’t for you.

I’m just as sure there are other reasons for rejection, but I like this one.  So, if your advances have been gentle and in kind gently rebuked, and you still like this woman as a human being as well as being sexually attracted to her body, keep her around and use her for bait.  Truth is, other women will see you just enjoying her company, recognize what you like, and they may like your smell.  A word of caution.  Some birth control pills mask a woman’s ability to smell MHC aroma.  If you hook-up, begin to believe each other are the greatest thing since sliced bread, and get married, you might be courting trouble.  You decide to have kids, she goes off birth control pills, and now she can smell you.  You may smell OK or she may not be able to stand your smell.  There go the house and kids!  You stand there scratching your head wondering what you did wrong?  Nothing, except you didn’t give her the chance to check you out with her nose.

Grooming.  Grooming is a specialized form of touching.  Its purpose is to make our partner look or feel better.  Women can give their men manicures.  Guys, if you are cutting your nails with diagonal side-cutters, this will be a treat!  Hair brushing is something many women enjoy.  Some do not and one has to learn from the partner what she likes.  Sometimes, simply sticking a flower behind her ear is a nice gesture, but again, this depends on the woman.  A foot washing and massage can lead to unintended consequences!  (One woman reported having orgasms with foot massages.)  Generally speaking, there are no erotic intentions when grooming.  This is simply a gift of love, one from and to the other.

Grooming ideas

Brush her hair

Wash and massage her hands with her hand cream.

Wash and massage her feet.

Give her a bath, from outside the tub!  When washing her down there, treat it like it was your new Ferrari!  Or, tell her she is a big girl and can wash her self down there.  Give her some toys to play with: a ball or rubber ducky.  This is for the little girl inside her.  After the bath is a different story. 

Ask her what she likes.  She may want you to shampoo her hair, or she may not. 

While we are on the subject of bathing, it was an ancient Hebrew tradition for the bride and groom to take a bath together.  It was more of a baptismal than a bath: a symbolic way of washing away the past so they could begin together, anew.

Gazing.

The soul that can speak through the eyes can also kiss with a gaze”  ~

Gustavo Adolfo Becquer.

Softly looking each into the other’s eyes.  Eyes can be windows to the soul.  Can you see it?  One of the bonding exercises in the Kama Sutra is the man sitting in a chair, entered into the woman sitting astraddle him.  There is no pelvic action, just gazing each into the other’s eyes.  The objective is to strengthen the intimate bond, not produce an orgasm.  Although perhaps not quite as effective, it can be done fully clothed, without entry.  One wonders if love can be transmitted through the eyes as well as through genital merging?  Probably.  You can also touch hands, palm to palm and “hand dance” in this position.

There is also “solitary” gazing.  They don’t have to know you are looking at them.  You can just look with eyes filled with love.  In the musical, “I Do! I Do!” with lyrics by Tom Jones and music by Harvy Schmidt, the song , “My Cup Runneth Over” begins,

Sometimes in the mornin’ when shadows are deep

I lie here beside you just watching you sleep

And sometimes I whisper what I’m thinking of

My cup runneth over with love

 

Sometimes in the evening when you do not see

I study the small things you do constantly

I memorize moments that I’m fondest of

My cup runneth over with love

The musical was based on the play, The Fourposter by Jan de Hartog, which opened on Broadway in 1951.  The musical followed in 1966.  The play and the musical, have only two characters, a man and wife and completely set in a bedroom!  It spans the years from 1890 to 1925.  One must wonder at the beauty of love, seemingly lost by our modern culture.  Of course, that was before TV was in every room.

These are all basic behaviors of love.  There are many more, including body language.  As an example, notice a couple sitting next to each other with legs crossed.  With the top legs pointing at each other, the couple is probably getting on well.  With the legs pointed away, they may be having a disagreement.  Most of the time, body language is subconscious.  Sometimes the other behaviors of love are subconscious as well, springing from a desire to love; to transmit love to that special person, whether you or they know it or not.

Playing.  Life isn’t supposed to be all somber and sacred.  It is already sacred whether we like it or not. So why not have some fun too?  Let your “inner child” out to play.  It is not recommended you get into a water fight while washing the car on a first or early date, but later?  We guys, and some girls, are being conditioned to be competitive.  Years ago I was involved in family softball.  It was just about having fun.  We would have 4-year olds at bat (with assistance) hitting home runs (with the help of many errors) and wind up with double-digit football scores.  It was just for fun.  Pregnant women would waddle to first base.  God!  How we laughed.

Have you ever played Scrabble just to see who could make up the silliest word?Maybe she puts down, “ARHGGHO.”  You ask her for the definition and she tells you that is the sound you make when you are having an orgasm.  It is a good 7-letter word, but who cares?  Lighten up.

There is also erotic play.  When you are inside of her, ask her to “squeeze” you out.  Don’t resist at first.  Let her do it.  Two things go on here.  First, it empowers her and second, it strengthens her muscles.  Great exercise.

Comparison.  Now that we have looked at how love energy is transmitted through behaviors, we can make a comparison to heat energy.  Heat energy is transmitted by three mechanisms: radiation, convection and conductivity.  Conduction is the same as touching.  When you touch a hot object to a cooler object, the heat is transferred from the hotter to the cooler, and warms it up.  In human touching, it’s what you are thinking at the time of the touch.  The touch may be out of compassion for comforting, or erotic in nature.  Love energy is still conducted by the touch.

Radiation is like gazing.  We on earth get radiant energy from the sun.  It radiates through space to warm what it touches.  When we gaze at or into our woman, we are radiating love.  Convection works a little differently, like the old steam radiator.  The steam in the pipes warms the radiator and that warms the molecules of air next to it.  Eventually, the air in the room warms up and we warm up with it.  The air acts as a medium of transmittal.  This is more like nourishing, when we sweat over a hot steak and bring it in to her, cooked just the way she likes it.  The steak is the medium through which our love is transferred.

Love is an action verb and love smells like sweat and time.  The question is what are YOUR behaviors of love?  How many ways do YOU SHOW love to your beloved?  Do your wash her car?  (That’ll work up a sweat!)  Pick (not buy) flowers?  Brush her hair?  I hope you have to buy a notebook to fill up.  Remember, it’s the little things that count, along with the best balance and diversity you can bring into the relationship.

Copyright Art Noble 2010

www.thesacredfemale.com


[1] Blackledge, C., The Story of V, p. 85, Rutgers University Press, 2004

[2] Ogden, G., Whipple, B., Safe Encounters. p. 62-63. Mcgraw-Hill, New York, NY, 1988

[3] Meston Cindy M., Buss, David M., Why Humans Have Sex, Arch Sex Behav. (2007) 36:477–507 DOI 10.1007/s10508-007-9175-2


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