Posts Tagged ‘behavior’


August 6, 2015



Most (damn near all) Western Homo sapiens sapiens (us) are whack jobs who can screw up an anvil with a rubber mallet!  Both genders, including me!

I began my research into sexology about 15 years ago to find out what was going on in our bodies after an awesome sexual experience.  It took 10 years just to find out the name: transcendent sex.  I got all the way down to the genetic level in our bodies without answers until I threw love into the pot.  Then it happened.  It worked!

I looked at love with an engineer’s eye: a different perspective.  Love is an energy spectrum impacting us at the genetic level.  It at least impacts our epigenome, and who knows after that?  Erotic love is apparently the most powerful because of the passion or amplitude of the energy we are transmitting.  Twenty-five hundred years ago, the Greeks defined Eros, the god of erotic love, as one who endowed us with creative powers and the ability to bring order out of chaos.  Around the time of Plato, Eros was diminished to the god of sexual pleasure.

One of the things I learned is sexology is very subjective.  Everybody is out to promote their view.  Me too.  The difference I claim is, I focus on love—attributes and behaviors—along with our biology.  I recognize there are no biological absolutes and we each have our own individual uniqueness.  I admit you are your own best “sex expert,” once you divest yourself of 5,000 years of fear-based BS creating your epigenome and screwing up your genes.  That is the tough part.

So, what is this war on women?  Face it!  We live in a greed based patriarchy.  We are given “standards of normalcy” from patriarchal authority.  What I have learned is that when I put anyone down, I am putting me down, which is where this authority wants me.  I don’t belong down!  Misogyny is not about putting women down.  It is about keeping men down!  The war on women is but a strategy in the war on love.  Until we come together in love, recognizing what fantastic creatures we and others are in their own right, “they” win!

Making Sex Sacred

September 29, 2013

I’m a guy and as such, I need to keep things simple.  The only thing sacred is love. Everything else is commentary.  That is pretty simple.  We associate words and behaviors with love.  So, sacred sex is like going to church, at least two orders of magnitude better. 

Our bodies are temples.  With all the shame out there to which we have been exposed, it is a lot easier to think of a woman’s body as a temple than our own.  No worries.  By treating her body as a temple, you will see that yours is a temple too.  There are magnificent cathedrals and temples all over the world, gilded and clad with fine art.  Entering there is an awesome experience.  It does not compare to the awe of entering your beloved.  When inside a cathedral, we are limited by walls.  Inside our beloved, the Universe is open to us.

We stand outside the temple, admiring it.  It is inside the temple where we are itimately blessed with love.  So what is inside?  Do you see and feel her love?  This love must be treated with reverence and respect as you treat her body with reverence and respect. Her yoni is the altar where we worship the love between us, yet her whole body is the temple; not one square inch to be neglected with our worship.  In Tantra, it is said those who worship at the altar of love have all their dreams materialize.  It is true.

In visiting a cathedral, we are tourists.  In worship there is ritual, and don’t let the word worry you.  It is simply preparation to worship and a means of worship.  It may be considered as the behaviors of love intensified.  (  What we call foreplay is only a part of the ritual.  In this ritual, here you and your beloved are open to what ever resonates with you.  It may consist in nothing more than quartering an apple or peeling an orange to feed (nourish) each other before heading to the bedroom.  It may be in preparing the bed with sheets and towels to absorb her orgasmic emissions.  It may be simply brushing her hair.  There are many more.

In Tantra there are mantras to recite before and during sexual congress.  These are a bunch of words I cannot pronounce and don’t know what they mean.  For us, a good mantra would revolve around the word “love.”  “I love you.  I give you my love. I receive your love.  I want your love.”  This type of thing.  The importance is not only in the words but also in the sound.  There are technical reasons for this just as important as the technical positions we use in making love. 

Although it is pleasurable in itself to spend time on these rituals, in many cases, a lot of time may not be necessary.  Everyday behaviors of love are cumulative.  Quickies can be sacred too, as long as we hold an attitude of love.  Mix it up.  Variety is the spice of life, and we will never exhaust all the possibilities with one beloved woman.

When regarding her orgasm, it is HER orgasmic experience she is sharing with you.  It is a gift to you.  It is a gift she trusts you to appreciate.  Asking for her orgasmic experience, this gift, may also be a part of your mantra.  This may be because she feels safe in your love and devotion.  The same hold true with her other sexual responses such as ejaculation, or orgasmic emissions.  Her body and that which comes forth from it is a gift.

Imagine yourself water-less in the desert. You are not yet delusional with dehydration, but close and your thirst seems unquenchable. As you stop to wipe your dried brow, a great ball of light appears before you. From this ball of light steps a winged angel in diaphanous robes, radiant with a beauty before unknown to you. In her hands is a container of life-giving water. But, not just any container: this is the Holy Grail, the sacred chalice of life. The water is holy, sacred water that nourishes your soul as it quenches your thirst. Falling to your knees in both physical weakness and gratitude, you reach out for it, so willing to accept this precious gift offered. As your parched lips touch the rim of the chalice, you are overwhelmed with gratitude and a peaceful ecstasy. As the sacred water trickles down your throat, you feel it nourishing you soul as it nourishes your body. You are empowered to continue your journey in life and most guys don’t even say, “Thank you,” before they roll over and go to sleep. Not all angels have wings.  Expressing our gratitude is also imortant.

Too many of us think sacred implies somber and sacred sex isn’t any fun.  Have you ever seen a Black Gospel choir?  Are they having fun?  Hell yeah! They are having fun in their temple.   Life is to be enjoyed, and there is great joy in bonding, loving and expressing love erotically with your beloved.  It can be beyond your wildest dreams.

 Copyright Art Noble 2013

The Sexual Paradigm and Love

April 10, 2012
(This is a paper I hope to present at the International Network for Sexual Ethics and Politics in Ghent, Belgium this August.)


The Sexual Paradigm and Love


                In 1974, Robert C. Solomon noted, “It is one of the dangers of conceptual analysis that the philosopher’s choice of paradigms betrays a personal bias, but it is an exceptional danger of sexual conceptual analysis that one’s choice of paradigms also betrays one’s private fantasies and obsessions”[1]  What Solomon did not recognize is the sexual paradigm under which we in Western civilization currently operate: pleasure and/or procreation: a political construct.   The paradigms to which he referred were but sub-sets of this one.  Further, it would seem that most researchers and others in the “sexual industry,” today look at sex with the blinders of this paradigm.  This paper suggests expanding the paradigm by including love and looking at both sex and love with a more objective view based on energy.  Energy divided by time is power.

            It is further suggested the power obtained by the individual through love is genetic in nature, however there is suffiecient anecdotal evidence to validate its existance regardless of its nature.


              In Hindu mythology, the entire universe was created on the first orgasm of Shiva and Shakti, indicating this is a powerful experience.  In our current view of sex, we live with the paradigm sexual activity is only for pleasure and/or procreation.  The power of creation is ignored.  Eros, the god of love was originally “a primeval deity who embodied not only the force of erotic love but also the creative urge of ever-flowing nature, the firstborn Light for the coming into being and ordering of all things in the cosmos.”  Plato’s symposium changed that.

            Today, our grand sexual paradigm is that sex is either about pleasure or procreation or both.  Good scientists everywhere discuss, and even argue, over what brings the most pleasure to the greatest number of people, particularly women.  Since a lot of us are men, that is rather humorous on its face.  My research indicates women have much greater capacity for sexual pleasure than men, and we men are incapable of being in their bodies at a perceptive level.  All we can do is observe.  Further, most men limit orgasmic experience to the rush of endorphins accompanying ejaculation, believing, “that’s it.”

             Were I reading this, the first question I would ask, is what do 8000 year-old stories have to do with modern sexual politics?  The answer is, everything!  So, let us start with today’s paradigm, and then return to our history to see how we got here.

            There are many still suffering from Victorian prudery who would argue sexual pleasure is sinful… for everybody but themselves.  Throughout history, we oscillate on the pleasure question: pleasure is good or pleasure is bad.  This diverts us from looking at love as a part of the sex act.  Further, in the minds of the general public, and some scientists, the word “love” is specifically associated with the sex act, from which pleasure is derived.

             To understand how we might have arrived at  this sexual paradigm, I first would like to paraphrase three people.  First, Dr. Christopher Ryan who said, “Our cultivated ignorance (of sexuality) is devastating,” and “civilizations are based in greed.”[2]  Next, the founder of pseudo-psycho-sexual science, Dr. Sigmund Freud who exclaimed, “ Most of our neuroses are based in sex.”[3]  I don’t fully agree with much else they say, but they hit the mark with these statements.  Lastly, Napoleon Hill who said, “The combination of love, sex and romance can raise a man from mediocrity to the altitude of genius.”  Hill goes on to talk about “access to infinite intelligence,”[4] which I have discovered to be on an individual need to know basis.     

            During the hunter-gatherer phase of human development, before the advent of civilization, what did early man need to know?  Primarily where the food was and whether or not it was good to eat.  Where is the water?  Where can we find shelter?  How can we stay safe from animals that want to eat us?  If many had not answered these questions, we would not be here today.  I am less amazed by Australian aborigines ability to find water on their walkabouts than I once was.  They had a need to know and were directed to water.  Just before the Tsunami of 2004, native  villagers were heading for high ground while American and European tourists lolled on the beaches.  They, too, had a need to know.  Humans are fantastic creatures once we get out of our own way.

             To arrive at the conclusion that power, or “access to infinite intelligence” belongs in the paradigm, requires looking at both love and sex with a different set of glasses.  For the most part today we look at love as a feeling generated by brain chemistry.  This is a very narrow and anthropormorphic view of love.  There are many forms of love, mother love, brotherly love, etc., perhaps each generating their own version of brain chemistry.  Only erotic love has been studied by Fisher, et al[5].   Dr. Jenny Wade relates an example of this power in Transcendent Sex due to brotherly love.[6]  

            To understand how love can give us “access to infinite intelligence,” it is necessary to view love as energy.  It is suggested this energy has the power to modify our genetic code thereby creating the brain chemistry.  Where sexual desire is a function of the PVN in the hypothalamus, the effects of erotic love are more readily observed in the caudate nucleus and tegmentum.[7]  Further, orgasms based solely on sexual desire are observed to increase bloodflow in the right half of the brain[8],[9] whereas orgasms including love are observed in both halves of the brain.[10]

             Love has two attributes in common with energy: transmittal and transformation.  We may think of “transferring” love from one to the other, implying one’s feelings generated within the individual are for another.  However, we may be transmitting love through us to another.  

            The origin of this view comes from the story of Shiva, Parvatti and Kama.  Kama, god of love, was implored by the people of the Indus Valley, under attack by evil demons and spirits, to do something to get Shiva and Parvatti to have a son who would save them.  Kama shot Shiva with a arrow made from a flower as parvatti was walking by, and one result was Karttikeya, who save the people from the evil spirits and demons attacking them.  The other result was Shiva was angered at having his meditation interrupted so he hunted Kama, found him and focused the energy from his third eye on Kama.  Kama burst into flame leaving only a pile of ashes and this conditionless, boundryless, borderless love all about the world.  It is called ApAaga in Sanskrit, Agape in Greek and we call it unconditional love. 

            The next problem was how to model this, with the many forms of love.  I chose the visible light spectrum with Agapeas the light source.  This provides for the spectrum of the forms of love, our minds being the prism through which the light of love refracts. 

"Love's Prism" in Our Mind


            Since prisms blocked in various areas do not let all the light through, we are left with only a partial rainbow of colors.  I chose “chewing gum” to represent the memes and other blocks to this light.  They may also be thought of as the conditions we put on love. 

Love's Prism With "Chewing Gum" Blocking Energy

            As I was working with this, I noted the rainbow from this prism, in the position of the ancient symbol for man—the blade, was inverse to the position of the colors in the visible light portion of the electromagnetic spectrum.  If I inverted it to represent the early symbol for woman—the chalice, what would happen?  Do women see love differently than men? 


Female View of Love?

            The last part of this assumption is the energy of love has the power to impact and modify our genetic code.  We know in the fetal stage of development mutation (alteration of base pair) occurs, along with genes jumping from one chromosome to another and  recombination also occurs.  Genetic restructuring is now being performed on adults.  Why can not love be a genetic modifying agent?  This, of course, is simply speculation.  Anecdotal evidence form Enkidu’s transformation in The Epic of Gilgamesh, through the “Divine Enlightenment” of Tantra, to Napoleon Hill’s observations in 1937 would indicate the existence of this phenomenon.  It makes no difference if it is genetic modification or not.  It happens.

            Now we can look at adultery and other relationship forms with a different eye.  Did it occur during the hunter-gatherer age?  Probably, but not to the extent it did when women were diminished to economic commodities, belonging to their father.  Through out history thereafter women “belonged” to either father or husband having the status of chattel.  In many cultures today, women are still sold into marriage, or simply sold.

            What did the hunter-gatherer have that we don’t?  First, they were not laden with all the garbage ideas we have about sex, and were probably a lot happier with it than we are today.  Secondly, they did not have the barriers to love that we have today.  Thirdly, they probably had a lot more respect for everything, including their women.  We can see this respect today in indigenous peoples around the world.  But we call them “savages.”   They have nowhere near the desire we have for material things, although Western culture has tipped many toward greed.  Many cultures now practice polyandry, polygamy, omni-gamy, and possibly even circular monogamy.  I don’t know if the latter exists yet, but we humans are inventive. 

            Stephanie Coontz traced the history of marriage back to the beginnings of civilization and found it to be an economic institution.[11]  In the agrarian age, adjacent farmers could merge their fields through the marriage of the son of one to the daughter of the other.  These arranged marriages neglected the wishes of the children, as they have throughout history.  “Wishes” is a very weak word when primal forces are at work.  We know today women have the ability to smell a man’s MHC[12] and it is believed they can determine at least immuno-compatibility for the offspring.  We know not what other forces may be working as well.  We can certainly presume it would be very difficult for a woman to copulate with a man whose smell was offensive to her, even when he was freshly bathed.  Bathing itself, an unusual circumstance in those days.

            As villages grew into towns, and towns into cities, we had war.  Somebody had something somebody else wanted, so they amassed a force of men and took it.  “To the victor belong the spoils of the enemy” is said to be coined by New York Senator William J. Marcey, referring to the victory of the Jackson Democrats in the election of 1828.  However, many tribal nations also live by this.  If we searched history for this phrase, we could probably find it, or something comprable, dating back thousands of years. 

            Men with “access to infinite intelligence” have a drawback for leaders.  They don’t believe the spin.  Spin is nothing new.  Brainwashing is nothing new.   Since not all marriages were arranged, men had a better opportunity of falling in love with a woman as their economic value was in its infancy.  This led to men applying the combination of love, sex and romance with amazing results for them.  They were not as likely to believe the exortations of the leaders of the day and resist military service.  Defense was one thing, but stealing from a nearby village was another.  This resistance had to be stopped!  Enter misogyny.

            If we put negative ideas about women in the heads of men, they will be more malleable and we can have more soldiers.  I use the word “soldier” loosely.  This also refers to “soldiers” of the fields, factories and other industries throughout history.   The myths about women began, and today, some women and a lot of men still believe them.   These are essentially conditions we put on love.

            Economics is about the production, distribution and consumption of goods and services from scarce resources.  Politics is about the control of those resources and the distribution of wealth created from those resources.  So, when we talk about the politics of sex, we should be looking at women as a resource, a valuable resource!  That is, a valuable resource to the individual man.  This is a resource that needs to be protected, rather than controlled.  By “protection” I do not mean legislated onto some pedestal, rather treated with far more respect than has been afforded them throughout the history of civilization.  However, with the power of love in a group of individuals, other resources are not as easily “controlled” by politics.  We now see this paradigm as a political construct.

            In order to “control” production of these resources: to have early farms and later industries grow larger, it was necessary to “control” the relationship between men and women.  As patriarchy grew, rules were laid down for women.  Daughters being chattel was but one of many.  Sexual myths were promulgated to divide us.  Women became “less than.”  Workers and soldiers were needed for farms and war.  Sons were valued over daughters to not only extend the patriarchy, but we are more easily manipulated into becoming soldiers and workers.  The war between the sexes began.

            A basic strategy of war is divide and conquer.  The current “war on women” is simply another battle in the war between the sexes, beginning at the dawn of civilization.  Most who wage this war today have no idea what they are doing or why.  After 10,000 years, it is just the way it is.  The tactics of this war are demonization, dismissal, denigration and deification.

            The early temples of Ishtar, Inanna and other goddesses were created to set some women apart as priestesses, implying they only, should be worshipped by men, while wives sat at home alone.  Divide and conquer.  This deification was carried over into the concept of motherhood to the extent during the Victorian era, wives were for procreation and mistresses were for pleasure.  An extreme result of this is the whore/Madonna complex underlying many relationships today in both genders.  It should be noted all women have essentially the same anatomical structures, but it appears cultural conditioning prevents both men and women from their full usage through love or pleasure.  The mind is both powerful and malleable.

            The myth of Lilith I knew nothing about until I started my research in this field a few years ago.  Yet, the “missionary position” was all I knew for most of my sexually active life.  It seems the purpose of that myth was to keep the male superior.  And Lilith, for wanting to get on top, was heavily demonized.  She was demonized in early Sumerian literature as a baby killer, but the Hebrew myth of the 13th Century had her consorting with demons, sleeping with men in their dreams to create more demons, and making Adam out to be a dummy.  He should have known the one on top does all the work.  Myths, like sea stories grow with the telling.  The most modern, Robert Graves’ version is probably the worst.

            We have dismissed women for centuries with, “Oh.  She’s just a woman.  What does she know?”   In the 19th Century, women who wished to enter the professional world were deemed hysterical and were given hysterectomies.   This of course removed anatomical structures that could be quite valuable to men.  But men have not considered women as a valuable resource for eons, except in rare cases.

            We continue to denigrate women, as is being done in the American Congress today with the media carrying the battle cry.  We neither recognize women as a resource nor the power of love to refine that resource for our benefit.  The paradigm of pleasure/procreation is still in gross operation to the detriment of men around the globe.

             We now can also see how the ancient stories of love, without the political construct of pleasure/procreation, can yield this power to men rendering the construct to a sick joke.  Neither procreation nor pleasure are “sick jokes.”  Rather it is the removal of love from the paradigm as a consideration.  Further, this removal may retard our evolutionary future.  It is the purpose of this paper for Sexologists everywhere to consider bringing love into the paradigm, showing the power of love to both genders.  “How ethical is this,” is a question only you may answer.


[1] Solomon, Robert C., Sexual Paradigms, J. Phil (11)336-345, 1974

[2]  Ryan, C., Jetha, C, Sex at Dawn, Harper Perennial, New York, NY, 2009

[3] The Freud Reader, ed. Peter Gay, W.W. Norton & Co., New York 1989

[4] Hill, N., Think and Grow Rich, Wilder Publications, LLC, Radford VA, 1937

[5] Why We Love, Fisher, H., Henry Holt & Co. (An Owl Book) New York, 2004

[6]  Wade, J., Transcendent Sex, Pocket Books, New York, NY, 2004

[7] Ibid. Fisher, Helen.

[8] Arnow, B.A., J.E. Desmond, L.L. Banner, G.H. Glover, A. Solomon, M.L. Polan, and S.W. Atlas. Brain activation and sexual arousal in healthy, heterosexual males, Brain 125:1014-23, 2002

[9] Janszky, J., A. Szucs, P. Halasz, C. Borbely, A. Hollo, P. Barsi, and Z. Mirnics, Orgasmic aura originates from the right hemisphere, Neurology 58:302-04. 2002.

[10] Ibid. Fisher, H.

[11] Coontz, S., Marriage, a History, Penguin Group (USA), 2006

[12] Meston, Cindy M., Buss, David M., Why Women Have Sex, Henry Holt and Co., New York, NY, 2009

Our Sexual Paradigm: Pleasure and/or Procreation

March 9, 2012

The human body is an amazing creation.  If we gathered all of the human biological scientists in the world in one place to tell us how it works, they would simply argue for 10 years.  But, thousands of years ago, somebody figured out why it works.  Essentially, the body is under control of the mind.  Control the mind and you control the body.

 For the last 5000 years, more or less, we have lived under the sexual paradigm of pleasure and/or procreation.  It is a political construct!  Under this construct, these are the only two aspects of sex.  This leaves us viewing women as either brood cows or pleasure palaces, either view implying male ownership.  Men are slowly learning that some women are smart, too.  We need new glasses.

 This is an easy political construct because both are obvious.  We are so focused on these aspects of human sex and sexuality we can see no other results.  There are many, most of which are “politically incorrect:” they belong to the occult.  Occult means, “beyond common knowledge.”  The knowledge is there, but needs to be applied differently to become common knowledge.  But this violates the political construct.  We have to think outside the box!

 From the occult, we hear a lot of ethereal words that make absolutely no sense to those of us who speak English.  We may grasp some vague understanding of what they are talking about, and we think we know, but are left flat later on.  Many of them use words to describe actual biological processes of which they know nothing in terms of biology.  I prefer hard science as a basis and do not mind using the word “idiopathic” rather than mysterious, mystical or spiritual.  They are all synonyms for, “Duh, I donno.”

 Political constructs are fabricated for purposes of diversion.  Tactics include deification, dismissal, and demonization.  Boy, are we easily diverted to pleasure!  The question arises, “What are we being diverted from?”  From Enkidu in The Epic of Gilgamesh, through early Tantra up to Napoleon Hill in Think and Grow Rich, it would seem we are being diverted from our transformation.  Hill called it our “transmutation”.  In that it is probably genetic in nature, transmutation is a better word.

 There are other names both in our culture and others for this transmutation: growth of consciousness, awareness, intuition, Satori , evolving, awakening, etc.  This leads to enlightenment, Divine enlightenment, or as Hill put it, “access to infinite intelligence.”  Don’t worry.  This access is on a “need to know” and “ability to communicate” basis.  Communication implies both verbal and mechanical.  For example, if one of the top wealthy men Hill interviewed placed a buy order for a stock that went up, that is considered mechanical communication.  Or consider Ed Leedskalnin constructing a machine that would lift 14-ton blocks, without having the slightest idea (intellectually) of what he had done. Who cares? It worked.  (Coral Castle)

 That transformation may take place in a blinding flash or take years, even generations.  But, the secret ingredient is love, another aspect of sex we have been diverted from, by focusing on pleasure or procreation.  Erotic love is not the only way for this to occur, but let’s face it.  Erotic love is a lot easier and more intense focused on one woman than trying to love the other seven billion people on this planet. That would probably work… eventually.  It worked for Mother Theresa and Sister Teresa of Avila.

 In my article on Illustrated Sexual Anatomy I define sex as “the mental and/or physical stimulation of nerve endings, creating electrochemical energy, resulting in pleasurable sensations in the genitalia and other sexual responses.”  In the blog on Love: A Many Splendored Spectrum, I define love as energy and model it on the visible light spectrum.  My guess is the combination of these two energies tweaks or expresses genes, producing the transformation.   It is like electrical energy into microwave energy reacting with a raw potato, producing heat energy to transform the raw potato to a cooked potato.  It makes no difference whether the guess is right or wrong.  It is all about an “attitude” of love.  Then, something happens!

 This sounds great!  Why not expand the paradigm?  Guys, you may know from sad experience, many women have a built-in crap-meter.  They have the uncanny ability to know when you are just hitting on them or when you are really interested in them.  With our transformation, we get one too.  Ours works differently.  Ours works on used-car salesmen and politicians.   Now you see why it is a political construct.

 Anthropologists too look at our evolutionary history with eyes locked into the pleasure/procreation paradigm.  What would happen if they expanded the paradigm?  Would this explain the genetic shift in Neanderthal?  Would it explain how we entered into the Bronze and Iron ages other than by fortuitous accident? Perhaps we should take another look.  Then we can consider the future of evolution based on love.

Copyright Art Noble 2012

Sex at Dawn – A Different View.

March 6, 2012

By Dr. Christopher Ryan and Dr. Cacilda Jetha, Harper Perennial 2010

 Dr. Christopher Ryan beautifully and passionately described prehistoric sex with many academic citations.  In the introduction he states, “Our cultivated ignorance (about human sexuality) is devastating.”  I heartily agree. Then, Chapter 2: What Darwin Didn’t Know About Sex.  Perhaps it is not the anthropologist’s job to investigate the power and malleability of the human mind, yet the human mind is both.  Nor, perhaps, is it their job to investigate more deeply the nature of love, than to pass it off as hormonal brain chemistry.  However, in dealing with sex, we must look at both.

 Dr. Ryan points out we all write from our own perspective, based on our experience and prior teachings.  He notes, “Hobbes took the madness of his age, considered it normal, and projected it back into prehistoric epochs of which he knew next to nothing.”  By the same token, Dr. Ryan writes within the long standing, politically imposed sexual paradigm of pleasure and/or procreation, then limiting pleasure to orgasm. I write from mine.

 There are many ancillary responses occurring with or without orgasm or even sexual contact.  Sexual emissions (“ejaculation”) in both male and female are a separate, but an associated physiological response and the human female has three sources where the male has but one.  Transcendence or “altered brain chemistry” is another, which may also occur without sex.  Orgasmic bioluminescence is reported not only by modern women but also referred to in ancient sacred Shamanic texts as “Dragon’s Fire/Breath.”  Then we have Napoleon Hill’s “transmutation,” where “the combination of love, sex and romance can raise a man from mediocrity to the altitude of genius.”   This transmutation was first noted in The Epic of Gilgamesh, 2600 BC, so it is nothing new.  Further, it is probably genetic in nature, so transmutation is a good word.  It is not known how these experiences affected the ancients.  No one to my knowledge ever reported observation of a “glowing bonobo.”   And how would we know if a bonobo had a transcendent sexual experience?  Humans are a little different.

 Dr. Ryan has no doubt love was present in the prehistoric era, but blows it off, leaving to believe, as Dr. Helen Fisher, it is simply “brain chemistry.”  This excludes all other forms of love by omission.  He also points out the Speculum Doctrinal, around 1250 AD, abjures a man for loving his wife too much, then goes on to say some modern love songs are examples of stalking.  Perhaps.  Humans throughout history are known to screw up an anvil with a rubber mallet.

 He mentions primal behaviors of love, such as grooming, gazing and nourishing without labeling them as behaviors of love.  Both erotic and non-erotic touching is also a behavior of love.  I’ve never seen a bonobo, but I’ll bet a nickel they are touchy-feely.  He does talk about mating cries which, according to Robin Williams in Dead Poet’s Society, humans extended into language.  We can express both a desire to “mate” and love.

 He pointed out in the hunter-gatherer age, “women typically breastfeed each child for five or six years.”  Later Ryan states, “Considering its almost total lack of muscle tissue, the female breast wields amazing power.”  The female (and in one case, male) breast is an organ of nourishment.  Nourishing is a behavior of love.  Could we men be subconsciously looking for love, yet denying it due to the pleasure/procreation paradigm?

 Dr. Ryan also limits his discussion of sexual behavior to primates, stating only bonobos and humans have sex for pleasure.  This is based on ovulation cycles.  Bottlenose dolphins (tursiops truncatus) apparently, may be another species.  Then again, in the Kama Sutra the yab yum (female on top of male sitting) is a bonding exercise where gazing is the mechanism rather than orgasm.  This gives a different aspect to lap dancing.  Perhaps dolphins, who are as monogamous as gibbons, have sex for bonding?

 Although Dr Ryan discusses pair bonding, he does not mention attachment; as different a human behavior as absorption is a different physical behavior from adsorption. I was pleased to see his discussion on MHC, a woman’s nose and the deleterious effect of birth control pills.  As wild speculation, suppose a woman’s nose could also smell beyond our male immune-compatibility and by his smell, determine her ability to transmute him, based on his genetic make-up?  We only learned of woman’s ability to smell MHC a few years ago.  Hill said it takes love.  If it were just sex and romance 99.99% of all the men on this planet would be geniuses.  Sadie Hawkins Day might have been a good thing. 

 Toward the end, he speaks to “variety is the spice of life.”  He views it as doing the same thing with different women.  Do we ever consider doing different things with the same woman?  He also points out the malleability of the human mind where a woman walks out on a cheating husband as though she were reading from a script.  We could also call it brainwashing.  It is neither good nor bad.  There could be many other conditions.  What is “bad” is the fact we are programmed and this is the tip of the iceberg.

 Oh, the angst of a poet!  One over riding, unstated thesis comes through this book: a Greed Based Civilization is a disease, responsible for more premature human deaths than any other cause.  Who knows?  GBC might be an STD.  Love might be the cure, and the future of evolution.

 Copyright Art Noble 2012

Behaviors of Love

October 8, 2011

There are a thousand ways to make love with a woman.  If you add sex, you have one thousand and one.  Each of these basic ways has many variations, some of which you may already do.  Add some more!

 There are six basic behaviors of Love: Communicating, Nourishing, Touching, Grooming, Gazing and Playing.  Each of these is a mechanism for transmitting love.  Remember, we can love the guys on our softball team, without wanting to take a shower with them. These behaviors are applicable across the spectrum, with different degrees of intimacy, within social and cultural boundaries.  Many of these current boundaries I find excessively restrictive.

Look at the words “love” and “being in love.”  The latter is more geared to erotic love, which is what we are talking about.  The current culture errs in not bringing the other segments of the love spectrum into play when we are “in love” with a woman.  None of us are going to be “perfect” nor do we have to be.  We don’t have to like everybody.  We can love them from a distance.  People who man the lines at soup kitchens usually don’t know the persons on the other side of the table, yet they are aiding in nourishing the needy: a gift of love.  There are too many ways to love others for this blog, with combinations of these behaviors.  But you get the idea.

Communication.  This is a biggie!  Talking is a variation and expansion of mating calls.  Robin Williams in The Dead Poet’s Society noted that man invented language to woo women.  Fortunately, the wooing never stops and gets better with time… if we work on it.  Both of us!  There are also times when it is best to shut up.   Knowing your partner means knowing when these times are.  Our voices generate sonic energy.  We each have our own unique tone quality.  More importantly, there are “overtones” reflecting the sincerity of what is in our heart.  (I think this is how a girl’s crapmeter works.)  I’ve known guys with squeaky voices who are married to some wonderful women.  Although how we sound is #2 on the general attraction list for girls, it is not the whole bag.

Definitions.  Next, come the words we use, and how the other party interprets them, rather than how we mean them.  Take the word “cunt.”  Today, and for over 200 years, (in English) it is viewed as a vile disgusting and derogatory word.  There are many authoritative guesses as to its origin, most dating back to about 3000 BCE in different parts of the world.  In India, it comes from the word kunda, transliterated as “bowl” or “water pot.”  This in turn gave us the Kundalini, the sacred-snake life force, or sexual response.  In Sumeria, the cuneiform symbol for woman was the inverted triangle (chalice) with the vertical cleft: an obvious representation of the vulva.  The symbol also meant “giver of life.”  Modern archeologists, who have little knowledge of sexual biology, interpret this as childbirth.  I suggest it may also be a giver of a new, metaphysical life.  Reginier de Gaff around 1660 suggested the word came from the stylus used to make the cleft in dampened clay, cunnus in Latin.  Yet in the 1785 edition of Grose’s Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue has it as, “****.”  The 1788 edition has it as “c**t – a nasty word for a nasty thing.”  In the dark ages it was a playful word, and still is in some other European languages.[1]

So, even though your intention may be to express your awe and gratitude to your beloved for awakening your creative life force, and allowing you to know her magnificent essence, it is not suggested you call her a cunt, until you know how she will receive this word.

Words are also important during the act of making love, providing audio energy to complement the sexual energy being generated below, as well as providing a focal mechanism away from the physical.  In Tantric sex, there are mantras to recite.  Many women are turned on by the use of four-letter words.  “Love” is a good one to use, but that was not what is generally meant.

Syntax.  How do we string words together?

“You Should…” There are also words and phrases we need to stay away from.  English is a funny language. “Should” is an auxiliary, or “helping,” verb, designed to be used in the subjunctive, or “iffy,” mode.  An example would be, “Should we go to the movies today?” Or, “Should this come to pass, then all will be well.”  In the last sentence, we could substitute “if” for “should.”   The subjects of the sentences follow the auxiliary verb, “should.”

Now, let’s turn it backwards and put the subject “you” before the auxiliary verb should, and the mode of the sentence changes from the subjunctive (iffy) to the declarative mode, or “You should do thus and such!”  This is a mechanism for transmitting toxic shame!  The nasty thing is you can’t transmit what you don’t have.  So, quit using it and quit listening to it!  All our lives we’ve been told what we should and shouldn’t do.  Seldom do people bother to explain that behaving in a certain way could be beneficial or detrimental to our well-being.  They just say, “You should…!”  So we pick up the habit.  When it comes to erotic love, we hear “You shouldn’t!”  (If you heard that, you weren’t supposed to.  Quit listening to it!)  This is just an addendum for your consideration.

It is easy to say, “You should treat women with respect.”  I’m not going to tell anybody what they should or should not do.  I want to give you a reason, or many reasons, why it is in your best interest or interests to do so.

Nourishing.  Nourishing includes feeding, emotional uplifting, “spiritual” guidance and sometimes we can nourish with a touch: a pat on the back or a touch on the arm. We should note that women are better at spiritual guidance than men!  Feeding is another important task.  Men (in our culture) are supposed to bring home the bacon and women are supposed to cook it up.  This is a long accepted division of labor, but there is no writing in stone and men usually control the back-yard barbeque, some help with the dishes and perform many other chores once relegated to women.  As a woman “sweats” over a hot stove, men “sweat” over a hot barbeque.  It is more than a sense of pride that accompanies us bringing the perfectly done steaks to the table; it is an offering of love.  More guys need to think of it this way!

Emotional uplifting is required.  Generally, a relationship you want to last won’t, in an atmosphere of criticism, sarcasm, shaming and other forms of negativity.  Why?  When one points his or her finger at another, three fingers point back.  The damage we do to ourselves is three times the damage we do to others.  Unfortunately, we are all “perfect” where we are.  The point is to improve ourselves and allow those around and with us to grow as well.  When we damage ourselves, we will be “perfect” there too.  We’ll just have a harder road to climb.  This includes non-sexual relationships as well.

Consider “spiritual guidance” not as throwing out quotes from the Bible or Koran, but rather removing your ego from the situation as much as possible and focusing on the “us” and “we,” and love.”

We “nourish” our friends as well.  We may spring for lunch, or just listen to their problems, or give them a pat on the back.  We may do something for them that they are incapable of doing or help them lift something heavy or simply give them their space.

Touching.   Touching may or may not be erotic in nature.  An “ataboy” pat on the back is certainly not erotic in nature.  But, there are far more erotic touches than most of us are aware.  Every inch of a woman’s body can be an “erotic zone” if and when the desire to be touched by her lover is present.  Men aren’t too shabby either.  This type of erotic play has not been generally encouraged in men.  Getting touched in new places means becoming intimate with your partner.  (Get over it! You’ll probably enjoy it!)  Having knowledge of your partner’s whole body and her of your’s, can provide for some very interesting and pleasurable experiences.  Note in the chart, there are many different kinds of touch.  Do you know which one is most enjoyed by your partner and in what location?  Find out!  We should point out one of the first and best known books on erotic love, The Kama Sutra, recommends three days of non-genital erotic play before consummating a marriage.  We can wonder if anybody ever listened to that advise.  But, it is a good idea to gain knowledge of the rest of your partner’s body, as well as that of which you already have knowledge.  It isn’t too late to start.

Other forms of love also exhibit touching behaviors.  With parents and infants, or parents and children, hugs are a mechanism for exhibiting love to (and from) the child.  In some cultures and Western sub-cultures, hugs may be an expression of close friendship (love).  Have you ever seen NFL players after winning a game?  However, it is not suggested that a stranger-fan grab one for a hug off the street.  This not only represents an expression of joy, but a reinforcement of the bond they have.  Strangers don’t have this bond.  This may seem obvious, but it is applicable in many situations and that goes back to boundaries.

This matrix is obviously to be used with some common sense.  You don’t want to spank, pinch, squeeze or otherwise possibly injure various body parts like the eyes.  Also, one size does not fit all.  Women have tremendous potential with varying touches on different parts of their bodies and exploration is half the fun.

Kinds of Non-Genital, Erotic Touch Matrix[2]

Erotic Touching by hand, by mouth by tongue or by nose

Where on body     /Petting       Rubbing    Stroking   Squeezing   Pinching   Spanking   Other










Back of Ear











Upper back

Lower back


Upper Arms

Lower arms





Outer thighs

Inner thighs


Behind Knees




Full Body


             Smelling.  This was deliberately left out of the six.  It is a much more private behavior.  Some time after a bath, an hour or two when her natural body smell returns, give her a big smell, from the tip of her little toe on the left foot, up, down and all around to the tip of her toe on the right foot.  Take the time to smell her… all over!  You’ll be amazed at what it can do for you… and her!  She may not tell you she likes to smell your sweaty work shirts, but a lot of women do.  They are getting down to the real you!

As how you sound was generally #2 in your attraction to women, how you smell is #1.  I’m not talking BO or the cologne and anti-perspirant you use.  Here we speak of something deep seated and primal in women.  According to Buss and Meston[3], most women have the ability to smell the aroma generated by our Major Histocompatibility Complex (MHC) located on chromosome #6.  This is an indicator of how strong the immune system of your offspring will be.  You either smell “right” or “wrong.”  I don’t know if there is anything we can do about it, or why would we want to?  We are who we are.  Further, if we hook-up with her, a) she may not be able to stand our smell when we are making love, and b) our kids may be sick all the time.

I think we guys are wired differently.  Our sense of smell is more directed to prey or game, with one exception as it relates to women.  Some women have a hair smell on the top of their head I can only describe as “dysfunctional.”   This is how I perceived it at the time.  This doesn’t mean they are going to screw up another guy’s life; they may smell fine to somebody else.  I see no difference between the smell on the top of their head and how I perceive it, and my MHC and how they perceive it.  Anyway, no matter how desirable they are physically, and emotionally, I would suggest backing off.  All it means is they aren’t for you.

I’m just as sure there are other reasons for rejection, but I like this one.  So, if your advances have been gentle and in kind gently rebuked, and you still like this woman as a human being as well as being sexually attracted to her body, keep her around and use her for bait.  Truth is, other women will see you just enjoying her company, recognize what you like, and they may like your smell.  A word of caution.  Some birth control pills mask a woman’s ability to smell MHC aroma.  If you hook-up, begin to believe each other are the greatest thing since sliced bread, and get married, you might be courting trouble.  You decide to have kids, she goes off birth control pills, and now she can smell you.  You may smell OK or she may not be able to stand your smell.  There go the house and kids!  You stand there scratching your head wondering what you did wrong?  Nothing, except you didn’t give her the chance to check you out with her nose.

Grooming.  Grooming is a specialized form of touching.  Its purpose is to make our partner look or feel better.  Women can give their men manicures.  Guys, if you are cutting your nails with diagonal side-cutters, this will be a treat!  Hair brushing is something many women enjoy.  Some do not and one has to learn from the partner what she likes.  Sometimes, simply sticking a flower behind her ear is a nice gesture, but again, this depends on the woman.  A foot washing and massage can lead to unintended consequences!  (One woman reported having orgasms with foot massages.)  Generally speaking, there are no erotic intentions when grooming.  This is simply a gift of love, one from and to the other.

Grooming ideas

Brush her hair

Wash and massage her hands with her hand cream.

Wash and massage her feet.

Give her a bath, from outside the tub!  When washing her down there, treat it like it was your new Ferrari!  Or, tell her she is a big girl and can wash her self down there.  Give her some toys to play with: a ball or rubber ducky.  This is for the little girl inside her.  After the bath is a different story. 

Ask her what she likes.  She may want you to shampoo her hair, or she may not. 

While we are on the subject of bathing, it was an ancient Hebrew tradition for the bride and groom to take a bath together.  It was more of a baptismal than a bath: a symbolic way of washing away the past so they could begin together, anew.


The soul that can speak through the eyes can also kiss with a gaze”  ~

Gustavo Adolfo Becquer.

Softly looking each into the other’s eyes.  Eyes can be windows to the soul.  Can you see it?  One of the bonding exercises in the Kama Sutra is the man sitting in a chair, entered into the woman sitting astraddle him.  There is no pelvic action, just gazing each into the other’s eyes.  The objective is to strengthen the intimate bond, not produce an orgasm.  Although perhaps not quite as effective, it can be done fully clothed, without entry.  One wonders if love can be transmitted through the eyes as well as through genital merging?  Probably.  You can also touch hands, palm to palm and “hand dance” in this position.

There is also “solitary” gazing.  They don’t have to know you are looking at them.  You can just look with eyes filled with love.  In the musical, “I Do! I Do!” with lyrics by Tom Jones and music by Harvy Schmidt, the song , “My Cup Runneth Over” begins,

Sometimes in the mornin’ when shadows are deep

I lie here beside you just watching you sleep

And sometimes I whisper what I’m thinking of

My cup runneth over with love


Sometimes in the evening when you do not see

I study the small things you do constantly

I memorize moments that I’m fondest of

My cup runneth over with love

The musical was based on the play, The Fourposter by Jan de Hartog, which opened on Broadway in 1951.  The musical followed in 1966.  The play and the musical, have only two characters, a man and wife and completely set in a bedroom!  It spans the years from 1890 to 1925.  One must wonder at the beauty of love, seemingly lost by our modern culture.  Of course, that was before TV was in every room.

These are all basic behaviors of love.  There are many more, including body language.  As an example, notice a couple sitting next to each other with legs crossed.  With the top legs pointing at each other, the couple is probably getting on well.  With the legs pointed away, they may be having a disagreement.  Most of the time, body language is subconscious.  Sometimes the other behaviors of love are subconscious as well, springing from a desire to love; to transmit love to that special person, whether you or they know it or not.

Playing.  Life isn’t supposed to be all somber and sacred.  It is already sacred whether we like it or not. So why not have some fun too?  Let your “inner child” out to play.  It is not recommended you get into a water fight while washing the car on a first or early date, but later?  We guys, and some girls, are being conditioned to be competitive.  Years ago I was involved in family softball.  It was just about having fun.  We would have 4-year olds at bat (with assistance) hitting home runs (with the help of many errors) and wind up with double-digit football scores.  It was just for fun.  Pregnant women would waddle to first base.  God!  How we laughed.

Have you ever played Scrabble just to see who could make up the silliest word?Maybe she puts down, “ARHGGHO.”  You ask her for the definition and she tells you that is the sound you make when you are having an orgasm.  It is a good 7-letter word, but who cares?  Lighten up.

There is also erotic play.  When you are inside of her, ask her to “squeeze” you out.  Don’t resist at first.  Let her do it.  Two things go on here.  First, it empowers her and second, it strengthens her muscles.  Great exercise.

Comparison.  Now that we have looked at how love energy is transmitted through behaviors, we can make a comparison to heat energy.  Heat energy is transmitted by three mechanisms: radiation, convection and conductivity.  Conduction is the same as touching.  When you touch a hot object to a cooler object, the heat is transferred from the hotter to the cooler, and warms it up.  In human touching, it’s what you are thinking at the time of the touch.  The touch may be out of compassion for comforting, or erotic in nature.  Love energy is still conducted by the touch.

Radiation is like gazing.  We on earth get radiant energy from the sun.  It radiates through space to warm what it touches.  When we gaze at or into our woman, we are radiating love.  Convection works a little differently, like the old steam radiator.  The steam in the pipes warms the radiator and that warms the molecules of air next to it.  Eventually, the air in the room warms up and we warm up with it.  The air acts as a medium of transmittal.  This is more like nourishing, when we sweat over a hot steak and bring it in to her, cooked just the way she likes it.  The steak is the medium through which our love is transferred.

Love is an action verb and love smells like sweat and time.  The question is what are YOUR behaviors of love?  How many ways do YOU SHOW love to your beloved?  Do your wash her car?  (That’ll work up a sweat!)  Pick (not buy) flowers?  Brush her hair?  I hope you have to buy a notebook to fill up.  Remember, it’s the little things that count, along with the best balance and diversity you can bring into the relationship.

Copyright Art Noble 2010

[1] Blackledge, C., The Story of V, p. 85, Rutgers University Press, 2004

[2] Ogden, G., Whipple, B., Safe Encounters. p. 62-63. Mcgraw-Hill, New York, NY, 1988

[3] Meston Cindy M., Buss, David M., Why Humans Have Sex, Arch Sex Behav. (2007) 36:477–507 DOI 10.1007/s10508-007-9175-2

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