The Dance of Dependency

Mother and chlid

Dependency

Mankind has always been in some sort of dependent relationship with each other and with his or her environment.  Modern psychology, based on observing modern humans, notes five stages of dependency in our development from infancy:(total) dependent, co-dependent, counter-dependent, independent, and interdependent.  These stages are not necessarily linear and may be fluid, as well as broad spread.  They appear to be repeated in intimate relationships.

As an example, today government is co-dependent with the governed (tit-for-tat), and government attempts to make it a more dependent relationship.  Of course, in the tit-for-tat, government seems to be sucking too much from the tit and the illusionary, promised tat is not materializing.  The next step in the dance is counter-dependency, and with governments is historically bloody.  In intimate relationships it doesn’t have to be, but sometimes is.

Counter dependency can be an excellent step in the dance for personal growth as human beings.  Like it or not, we all wear masks and costumes.  We hold illusions about who we are.  In As You Like It Shakespeare says, “All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages. At first, the infant, Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms.”  What is beautiful to me is our mates may see through the costumes and masks to our authentic selves.  They want us to stand naked before them as they are willing to stand naked before us.  To shed our costumes demanded by society.  The tragedy is many are so engrossed with the illusion of our identity we will defend it to the death: both of the relationship and literally.

The next problem is all we know is what we’ve been taught, most of which is bullshit to control us within whatever modern culture we live.  The word modern means the last 5000 years of man’s existence.  In today’s society we have many areas of our lives in which we are co-dependent.  I am co-dependent with my grocer.  I give him money and he gives me the food I have selected. Tit-for-tat.  Many are dependent on government for checks or food.  We generally apply these terms to interpersonal relationships and do not think of the nature of our dependent relationship on other entities.

What about our current relationship with the environment?  Simple.  We are destroying everything we have been given to survive and thrive.  We project our current beliefs onto primal man as to how they lived.  Yet, it would appear they were in an interdependent relationship with each other and nature.  I believe this interdependency with all was achieved through love.

We have taken the word “love” and diminished it to apply to intimate interpersonal relationship, and because that may include “sex” it turned into a “four-letter word.”  Words impact our beliefs and our beliefs impact how we live our lives.  Yet, intuitively we know “love” is a more encompassing word.  My objective is to take the word out of the tiny box into which it has been placed so that we may once again be interdependent and evolve.

The basic unit of mankind is “husband” and “wife,” whether “married” or not.  This basic unit existed long before ceremonies in any culture. From this basic unit came “the family:” a secondary unit, and then “the tribe” a tertiary unit.  All of these in various primal cultures had boundaries to insure their interdependence, and thereby their survival.  Their interdependence was complementary throughout the units.  There may have been an “alpha” male or female within the tribe, but probably intuitive enough to recognize the complementary interdependence required for survival.  The nice thing is, primal man was not concerned with our modern invention of labels.  He just was!

Now, let’s see where we are today by looking at our blueprint: our DNA coding.  Each of us is a beautifully unique creature. Nobody looks like anybody else. Nobody perceives like anybody else. Close maybe, but no cigar.  The first thing we can say about this blueprint is we only know how to read 3% of it and that not very well.  That 3% represents our genes and that is an arbitrary number of 25,000.  Geneticists were arguing over 20 or 30 thousand genes so they compromised on 25,000. Fuck them!  I am not arbitrary!  I am not a compromise!  I am unique and so are you!

I got that out of my system.  Next little thing we know is some of our genes are locked up by methyl groups.  They don’t work.  On one hand this contributes to our uniqueness. On the other, it “normalizes” us making us easier to control.  Occasionally these methyl groups vanish allowing that gene to be expressed and voila! The individual is cured of an incurable disease!  A personality change occurs because they are more receptive to sensory signals.  All kinds of strange and wondrous things happen at the genetic level with love, among other events like NDE’s.  I prefer love to a near death experience.

Erotic love seems to be the most powerful kind of love that will not only clean up our genes, but also allow us to pass on clean genes to our kids.  Seems to.  This is just what I have figured out from my experience and from what I have read trying to figure out what the heck was going on in my body.  A hundred or so years ago, Freud and others made a big whoop-te-do about our sexual repression being the root cause of our neuroses. This was another step in either limiting love to sex or divorcing love from sex.  Apparently we are practicing sex a lot more and most of us are still as crazy as bat doo!  So, why don’t we put love in the mix and see what happens?

I wanna be just was!

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