To get this out of the way, I have no “credentials” in sexology, biology, anatomy or any of the fields one would normally think associated with this topic. I don’t want them for two reasons:
They simply promote or argue about the same old stuff, and
They don’t have explanations for my experiences. After 13 years of scholarly research, I now have explanations and I’ll tell you about them!
My primary degree is in Ocean Engineering, I hold an MBA, and I once held the academic rank of Associate Professor. This means I can read and I can teach. From my work in the ocean I have a grasp on the fluidity of life. As an engineer I can say nothing happens without the application of energy. From my MBA, I learned about smoke and mirrors, image and illusion. This book cuts through the smoke and mirrors and I don’t give a damn about my image.
When it comes to sex and love, both men and women have been screwed over for at least the last 5000 years in Western civilization, the last 200 being the worst! Until about 15 years ago, most everything I was taught about sex, love and women (other than feel good) was either:
A misogynistic, mythical lie.
Didn‘t go far enough, or
Was told to me by a woman speaking with her heart and I was listening with my head.
Without much introduction to the esoteric aspects of sex, I was able to experience and observe sexual responses, far beyond mere orgasm. You could say, “I got lucky,” but I prefer to think of it as being blessed. I am also cursed with curiosity. First, with the use of social media, I validated these experiences with other people. To my great relief, I wasn’t nuts or alone; but now I am pissed!
I looked not only at sexual sciences, but also genetics, “modern” anthropology and archeology, the history of sex and sexual politics. What I discovered is that we live under a sexual paradigm, or pattern, of procreation and/or pleasure. That’s it. That is all sex is good for: either pleasure or procreation. Then I saw this paradigm was and is a political construct, having nothing to do with the full range of our sexuality and ability to love.
To fully understand what was going on in our bodies, I had to look at our sexual anatomy differently than most anatomists. I also had to look at love differently. With these different perspectives, my varied sexual responses were easier to explain. In here, I only speak to those experiences I have had or observed, while mentioning others I have learned about. Are there more? Even with this objective view, I came to realize we will each respond differently, and base our view of sex on our own responses. All I can say is don’t limit yourselves any more!
The next question is: why aren’t more men and women having these experiences? My answer is operative conditioning to maintain the pleasure/procreation paradigm. Yes, there are medical issues, but most of it is a historic head game. Sexual pleasure has had its ups and downs throughout history. As a poet and writer, I like words. I like to trace them back to see what they used to mean. Through the centuries, many of their original definitions have changed, usually into something we can’t fully understand. This is a part of the historic operative conditioning. If we are confused, we are more easily led: like sheep to the slaughter.
Today, there is a lot of focus on pleasure. On one hand, this is good. Pleasure is not the end “goal” of sex, but it is a step toward a third “p” in the paradigm: power! This political construct allows us to oscillate between “pleasure good” and “pleasure bad,” diverting us from power in the expanded paradigm. On the other hand, too much focus on pleasure diverts us from what can really happen for us.
Everybody writes on this topic from his or her own experience and perspective. So do I. I am a cisgendered heterophile, which in English means I am a guy who likes girls. From researching this book, I finally have a reason for monogamy, other than someone’s imposed morality. It seems to work better for me.
Alchemy is the mysterious science of turning base metals into gold and so on. We are the base metal. We are far more simply transformed into gold than iron or lead. “All ya gotta do is…” Yeah. Right. I said it is simple, but it is not easy. The secret of the process is too simple for most to understand, and the results can be beyond our comprehension. Don’t worry. We don’t need to comprehend it. In The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho says, “It cannot be understood by reason alone,” and, “When you possess great treasures within you, and try to tell others of them, seldom are you believed.” Don’t believe anything in here, except some of the cited science. Try it, and believe it yourself.
My path was by reason: science, anecdotal evidence, research and wondrous sexual experiences leading to this. Some of what is presented here is a “reasonable guess” or speculation based on what science doesn’t know, and that is a lot! My intuitive guesses as to how it works are only to offer a possibility of how it might work. It is a mystery and may always be a mystery. Who cares? It works.
When it comes to sex and love, it’s like most of us are following an 18-wheeler on a curvy, two-lane road in our Ferrari. After a while we lose patience and wind up in a crash of broken relationships or divorce. What we need is something like those cartoon scissor jacks under the car so we can safely get above the truck and see the road ahead. This book is that metaphorical scissor jack.
Sexual biology is the study of how our mental and physical environment impacts our sexual experiences within the human body, with emphasis on the heart, mind, brain genitalia and DNA coding. And how love may further affect the body. An example of our “physical environment” is our diet, and our “mental environment” is our individual belief systems, some of which are based on disinformation. “Disinformation” is information that has a little truth to cover the big lie they want you to believe.
This book is a definitive work in sexual biology. I can say this because to my knowledge, no one else has considered the wide variety of general aspects that affect us sexually. Today, there is a general impression, overt or covert, that men are penises with wallets attached, and women are dressed up, blow up dolls? I suggest these perceptions are damaging. We are each unique creatures, most with unmet potentials. In Chapter 12, I note we are all “mutants” or “micro mutants” in that none are genetic duplicates of our parents’ contribution to our DNA.
Most of us have our own unique views on sex, generally falling into the categories of pleasure and/or procreation. This is discussed in Chapter 1. We also have our own views on love ranging from “love is a phallacy,” to “love is everything.” Although I find myself leaning toward the latter camp, I don’t expect anyone to join me there, and it is not necessary for the purposes of this book. My purpose is simply to offer a different perspective (scissor jack) giving you a clearer look at the road ahead.
This book gives you information, mostly science, and speculation on what science doesn’t know and why. You can believe most of the science in this book. Just like every other author, I include science when it agrees with my experience and opinions from that experience. My experience goes beyond where science is, so I had to speculate, or intuit, on known science. If you are not interested in becoming gold through some woo-woo transformation, the material in here, hopefully, will at least enhance your sexual pleasure.
I ask you, the reader, simply to consider my speculation as a possible answer, but don’t believe it as hard and fast “truth.” I might be wrong in my speculation as to the mechanism of how we are transformed into “gold.” I don’t really care if I am right or wrong. These explanations make sense to me and they may to you as well. Further, it doesn’t make any difference. They are only possibilities. What I know is something wondrous does happen. So, don’t believe me. Try it for yourself and see.
One last thing: in studying sexual biology, I found a lot of girly woo-speak. Using this new perspective, there is a hardcore, science/engineering translation for woo-speak. The girls are right. They just don’t speak our language. Quite a few women speak out of their right-brain and we listen with our left-brain. And you wonder why we can’t communicate? Also, after a while, science can get boring too. I’ve translated both woo and science-speak into English where I can. The bottom line is we can study and argue about sex and love for the next 1000 years and there will always be a mystery.
Jensen Beach, FL