It is a sad fact that “knowledge” about love and sex has been dictated to us over the centuries. Most of it is myth and misinformation. We believe we have to “like” some one in order to love them. Although this is quite true in intimate relationships, is not true about the rest of the world. We can wish for, or pray for, or think about the highest good of others without even knowing who they are or what their highest good is! We may abhor their behavior, but still wish for their highest good.
When it gets up close and personal—here I speak of acquaintances, friends and neighbors—we have the opportunity to not only “think about,” but actually do something that may be in their best interest and higher good. Sometimes, it is just staying out of their way.
For most guys, and a lot of women, love has been removed from sex, or confused with it. We view sex simply as a pleasurable activity with someone we may or may not love, like or even know. Well, yeah. We have a natural sexual desire. It comes from the paraventricular nucleus in the hypothalamus; the same place thirst comes from. So, as long as we get thirsty, we will have sexual desire. (Pass me a glass of water.) The hypothalamus is the size of a pea and the paraventricular nucleus is a tiny part of it. I never knew such a little thing could get me in so much trouble!
Intimate sexual love takes time. There are two reasons for this.
- Biochemical. It takes longer for the bonding hormone oxytocin to build up in the man than it does in the woman.
- Social. We all wear masks when on the hunt: both men and women. To get to really know a person takes time. We have to be comfortable with them and that is a function of who we really are as well as who they are. Some wear masks all their lives.
When we do get to know them—emotionally—then we can get to know them physically. The Kama Sutra recommends taking three days of non-genital erotic play after marriage to get to know each other’s bodies. There are many more erogenous zones on the human body than the genitalia, and they are all different for each of us.
It seems today, everybody is worried about the “Big O.” First, that is only one of many sexual responses, some making the Big O seem like a non-event and sexual contact, intercourse or masturbation is not necessary to produce any of them! But, we haven’t been told this or trained in it. Honestly, from what I’ve heard from most guys their “Big O” isn’t much more than prostate maintenance coupled with an ego trip.
We’ve heard about “magic buttons” on women, like the clitoris and G spot. But for both genders the real “magic button” is the essence of your beloved! Get to know it, and then open yourself to let love reverently flow through you to that essence. Think about transmitting love rather than producing pleasure. Now, you are making love instead of having sex. You’ll be amazed at the difference!
Copyright Art Noble 2012