The “Sexual” Fantasy of Rape

             Some studies show the most common fantasy currently held by women is that of being raped.  To me, rape is a capital crime.  So I tried to figure out what could possibly make this desirable.  Obviously, I’m not a woman and I feel weird trying to put myself in a woman’s head.  On the other hand, we are all human being and mostly screwed up at that.  So it is as just another screwed up human I write.

 

            Speaking in generalities, when we were infants, it was quite natural for us to love.  But loving—the act of allowing love to flow through us—is a learned behavior.  Un-loving, the act of closing the door on love, is also a learned behavior.  In a teacher’s lounge at a school I once worked was a poster that said 95% of the children entering the first grade had a high self-image.  Only 5% graduated with a high self-image.  Seems like we beat it out of them with the educational process of un-loving.

 

            Both men and women have natural, normal sexual desires, originating in the paraventricular nucleus of the hypothalamus.  It is a little tiny part of our brain that gets us in more trouble than all the rest of the brain put together.  But women really get slammed for having these desires.  Even today, many men don’t think women are supposed to have them, and should a woman act on them, she is a “slut” or some other derogatory name.  So women have to “control” their sexuality.  I’m talking about husbands and wives, or others in an LTR, not one-nighters.  Were women to really let go sexually with their lovers, it would probably scare the hell out of them! 

 

            Women are very aware the Whore/Madonna complex is alive and well to one degree or another in most men.  It is a complex we best were to shed!  This is not a call for women to go out and be promiscuous with strangers where they can cut loose.  THIS IS A CALL TO DUMB-ASS MEN TO WAKE UP AND SMELL THE ROSES!  Many of these women have a wonderful desire to love you with their bodies; to give you a gift so precious and powerful you will be amazed.  Yet, you reject it by not accepting it.  It must be given as a Stepford Wife, under your control, meeting your expectations or it is not worthy.  No wonder women fantasize about being raped!  There, they lose control of their inhibitions they must keep with their lover.  They are in control of nothing, including their thoughts about sex. 

 

             The same would be true of bondage.  It is not the body that is being bound, it is the mind with all its viruses on what is “proper,” based on misogynistic myth handed down through the centuries.  Both men and women may seek domination.  It frees them not only of the responsibility for their own sexual pleasure, but also from many of the high-pressure responsibilities that may be in their lives.

 

            So it would seem the situation of the rape fantasy lies not with women, but with men who are not schooled in sexual love.  Oh, they may have techniques for “pleasing” a woman, but are incapable of accepting her “techniques” or responses.  Her techniques and responses are simply a way of transmitting love to you.  Learn to accept them!  Your acceptance of her is more important than your techniques!

            Back to the bottom line, all men and women are different and it is silly to make generalizations about one gender or another.  This brief blog may only be applicable in some instances, excluding the comment on acceptance.  What ever a woman’s love techniques or responses are, guys need to learn to accept them.  The same is applicable to women.  If you can’t accept them, get help or get out!

 

Copyright 2011 Art Noble.

www.thesacredfemale.com

 

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17 Responses to “The “Sexual” Fantasy of Rape”

  1. Jarrod Lasiter Says:

    your way behind the times guy. WOman today are not what you describe and I know of no men who think those things about woman .your a dinosaur.

    • thesacredfemale Says:

      Sorry, Jarrod. Many women do hold this fantasy as reported in anonymous surveys and validated by many psychiatrists. Not all women have sexual fantasies, but among those that do, this is the most common.

      Generally speaking, men do not give women the authority to be responsible for their own sexuality, with is far greater than most of us know.

      Most women are not going to tell you or me what is going on inside them, particularlly those with whom we are most intimate. Our sexual culture has turned an act of love into a charade! This is what I am fighting against.

      In comparison to my knowledge, experience, and access to the knowledge of many world wide experts in this field, Masters and Johnson are the dinosaurs! However, this only shows me how much I, and we, do not know, and how much more there is to learn. It also shows how much of what we “think” we know is BS! Thank heavens for modern science to crush through much of it.

  2. thin_legged Says:

    It was very interesting for me,because when I was very young I have had this fantasy.I am very cautious when I am writing this….
    “Nunquam lamiae morde me dice”
    — Never say bite me to a Vampire”

  3. albaneiler1221 Says:

    As one who has experienced rape in two different forms, I assure you that any woman in my position will never fantasize about anything other than the man responsible for a rape be behind bars for as long as possible and also castrated as painfully as possible.

    • thesacredfemale Says:

      The fantasy is nothing like the horror of the reality. It still involves control. The one fantasizing is no longer in control, particularlly of her mind that represses her enjoyment and responses. I am hoping that education will help remove some of our repression.

      I prefer capital punishment for forcible rape. I hold womanhood in very high esteem.

  4. albaneiler1221 Says:

    Sir, if you had ever experienced rape as a woman, you would know there is no fantasy that would not recall the terror and pain.

    I do appreciate your esteem of women. While capital punishment is something I would love, society would never allow it. I prefer castration myself, with the survivor of the rapist getting first cut…with a dull knife.

    I assure you, my fantasies are as far from rape as possible. But that is a whole new subject.

  5. thesacredfemale Says:

    I can certainly understand this. However, according to many of my estemed colleagues, this is a common “sexual” fantasy. Frankly, I couldn’t believe it until I started investigating it. As I said, the fantasy has nothing to do with the horror of the reality.

  6. Gayla Says:

    I have been told that this is the entire premise of the books that many women love to read. The handsome and rich pirate is so overcome with love and lust for the woman who is irresistable. The pirate is almost always the same skin color, unbelievably handsome, usually wealthy, fresh as from the shower although it may be from a dip in the same lagoonwhere he finds the woman. Can you tell I had a friend who wrote romance novels? Of course this is pure fantasy. No one would ever dream of a painful entry by a man with a dangerous weapon willing to subdue with beating who smells and tastes like rotten cabbage and cigarettes with just a wiff of stale beer. Woman fantacize about being swept away by a idolized lover, not about being raped. They just don’t know the difference but talanted novel writers do. Or so I have been told. Anyway, she sells books. Wish I had this talant. These authors are usually happily married or have been to very sweet supportive men. Maybe that’s the part I’ve always been missing.

    • thesacredfemale Says:

      The “fantasy” is nothing like the horror of the reality. It does involve being controlled, but it it the repression of response that is controlled. As you saw in the other blog, you women have more responses than you can shake a stick at! I certainly do not claim these are all that are. These are just the ones I know about from experience and science is baffled by some. The idea is by having her responses freed, under someone elses control, she is free to enjoy the act more.

  7. Sharronelise Brandon Says:

    I think you are spot on the money Art ..thankyou.

  8. source Says:

    Just to let you know your web-site looks a little bit unusual in Firefox on my pc using Linux .

  9. Sandypie Says:

    I have to disagree with the women who say that a woman who has experienced a real rape never would have a fantasy of being raped. Rape is not always an act of intense pain. Most often rape is not done with a weapon, it’s done with the mind. It’s known that women who were molested by their fathers will often experience a phase of promiscuity searching for love in all the wrong places. I’ve been raped 5 times and kidnapped for 3 days by a man with a weapon that had every intention of raping me (luckily whatever drugs he was on made him incapable of having an erection). I lost my virginity to an act of threat and cohersion. Then I enjoyed it and the confusion began for me there. Which, brings another point to mind. Many women actually experience an orgasm while being raped. Which is why it is believed to be a large part of why such a large number of women do not report the rape. I personally experienced orgasms in one very violent rape.
    When I have a rape fantasy, I’m not hurt. My favorite fantasy of such a thing would be the man sneaks into the house and catches me off gaurd. This would be a man that I am sexually involved with and have established a trust with. I would see him and demand that he leave the house. He’s my neighbor that has been living beside me for a long time and there has been a long ongoing flirtation without ever making the next move. He grabs me and we struggle on the floor. He finally has managed to pin me down and he tells me how he loves me and wants me to belong to him. For all intent and purpose he is driven insane by his lust for me and wants me forever. He forces himself on me and grows angry at my rejection. He uses his hardness locked in his fist and tries to offer himself to me to taste how sweet he is. I refuse and he slaps my mouth angered by my rejection. He rubs my body with his member and then places it against my sweet spot. Just holding it there as he demands me to beg for it. I try to refuse, but eventually my body takes control and I find in my arousal that I will say anything to have him inside me.
    So, you see that this is a rape of love, but still a rape fantasy and I too have experienced horror and violence, pain and feelings of guilt for experiencing orgasm and even for being stupid for being alone in a place I felt perfectly safe. I’m capable of honest, sincere love and of trusting a man enough to open my heart to him. Because I have healed from my own experiences. Healing from the past is imparitive if you wish to experience the freedom to enjoy fantasies with your own lover. Fantasy is great for LTR’s because it allows us to learn and know our partners better. Creating more trust and more intimacy and a more powerful sexual connection.
    A rape fantasy is often enjoyed by women because in these days women are expected to behave as a man. It allows a woman be removed from the position of control. Being in control of the finances, the office, the kids schedules, the meal planning and the long list that goes on and on. Not to mention that we are also supposed to be seductresses to our men. When are we out of control these days? The rape fantasy was not common until after women’s liberation really took hold. It was born with women taking on roles of management of the work place and the home simultaneously.
    You can not dismiss the research that says women have more rape fantasies than any other type of fantasy. A fantasy is a relief from the day to day trudgery and responsibility. Mix that with our belief about what good girls do and what they don’t and you have a sexual fantasy about not having to be in control. You can have sex when you don’t want to and find it enjoyable. Which means we got pleasure without having to be the one in control of it. It simply screams to me that we are struggling to find a way to balance our lives thru fantasies.

    • thesacredfemale Says:

      Sandypie, you are not the only woman who tells me of having an orgasm while being raped. The repressive conditioning of our culture seems to necessitate these fantasies in order for women to be freed from their imposed “roles” and let them become women again. (Obviously, I hold a different perception.)

      There is no data on whether or not women held fantasies 10,000 years ago, but I rather doubt it. Perhaps someday we won’t require fantasies and can really enjoy the experience for what it is. I think you may also like this blog. https://thesacredfemale.wordpress.com/2011/09/11/engineering-love/
      Art

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