Some studies show the most common fantasy currently held by women is that of being raped. To me, rape is a capital crime. So I tried to figure out what could possibly make this desirable. Obviously, I’m not a woman and I feel weird trying to put myself in a woman’s head. On the other hand, we are all human being and mostly screwed up at that. So it is as just another screwed up human I write.
Speaking in generalities, when we were infants, it was quite natural for us to love. But loving—the act of allowing love to flow through us—is a learned behavior. Un-loving, the act of closing the door on love, is also a learned behavior. In a teacher’s lounge at a school I once worked was a poster that said 95% of the children entering the first grade had a high self-image. Only 5% graduated with a high self-image. Seems like we beat it out of them with the educational process of un-loving.
Both men and women have natural, normal sexual desires, originating in the paraventricular nucleus of the hypothalamus. It is a little tiny part of our brain that gets us in more trouble than all the rest of the brain put together. But women really get slammed for having these desires. Even today, many men don’t think women are supposed to have them, and should a woman act on them, she is a “slut” or some other derogatory name. So women have to “control” their sexuality. I’m talking about husbands and wives, or others in an LTR, not one-nighters. Were women to really let go sexually with their lovers, it would probably scare the hell out of them!
Women are very aware the Whore/Madonna complex is alive and well to one degree or another in most men. It is a complex we best were to shed! This is not a call for women to go out and be promiscuous with strangers where they can cut loose. THIS IS A CALL TO DUMB-ASS MEN TO WAKE UP AND SMELL THE ROSES! Many of these women have a wonderful desire to love you with their bodies; to give you a gift so precious and powerful you will be amazed. Yet, you reject it by not accepting it. It must be given as a Stepford Wife, under your control, meeting your expectations or it is not worthy. No wonder women fantasize about being raped! There, they lose control of their inhibitions they must keep with their lover. They are in control of nothing, including their thoughts about sex.
The same would be true of bondage. It is not the body that is being bound, it is the mind with all its viruses on what is “proper,” based on misogynistic myth handed down through the centuries. Both men and women may seek domination. It frees them not only of the responsibility for their own sexual pleasure, but also from many of the high-pressure responsibilities that may be in their lives.
So it would seem the situation of the rape fantasy lies not with women, but with men who are not schooled in sexual love. Oh, they may have techniques for “pleasing” a woman, but are incapable of accepting her “techniques” or responses. Her techniques and responses are simply a way of transmitting love to you. Learn to accept them! Your acceptance of her is more important than your techniques!
Back to the bottom line, all men and women are different and it is silly to make generalizations about one gender or another. This brief blog may only be applicable in some instances, excluding the comment on acceptance. What ever a woman’s love techniques or responses are, guys need to learn to accept them. The same is applicable to women. If you can’t accept them, get help or get out!
Copyright 2011 Art Noble.