For most of my life, I’ve been a typical guy, conditioned by social mores and folkways. The “purpose” of relationships or dating was to get laid and the “purpose” of marriage was to get laid within the social construct… perhaps on demand… sort of. Yet always in the back of my mind was the truism, “Behind every great man is a great woman.” As men and women, we all have an unfulfilled potential for greatness. And this greatness will probably not be covered by today’s media: perhaps tomorrow’s.
Deep down within most men and women, there is a tiny voice crying out for “pair bonding”. We are diverted from this purpose by promotion of sexual pleasure—that’s easy—and admonitions for procreation. Authorities tell us, from Freud through modern evolutionary psychologists and anthropologists, our “genetic purpose” is to spread our seed for the improvement of the species. And as we do this, our relationships will last from four to seven years. Since there is less than 0.03% difference in the general genetic make up of mankind, this argument falls on only partially opened ears!
Genetically speaking, we humans are pretty fantastic creatures! Today, our map of the human genome is as accurate as the map of The New World by Amerigo Vespucci in 1507! What is important about our genes is the ability of our mind’s to control the opening and closing of many of these biological “switches”. Our beliefs control much of our genetic expression! Yes, there are other factors, and our belief systems can override them many of them. We humans are hot stuff!
Suppose we look at pair bonding like gravitational attraction. The metaphor only holds in terms of the attractive force being inversely proportional to the square of the “distance” between at least three factors: physical, emotional and spiritual. We all know about “chemistry”; the heat of physical, sexual attraction. There is also emotional and spiritual bonding. Oh! You don’t like the word “spiritual”? Well then, think of it as the belief system held by the other individual that impacts their genetic map, as does your own. This takes time to learn. We used to call this time period “courting”.
As in the attractive force of gravity, the closer we are in at least three of these aspects of relationship, the stronger the attractive force, or bond, will be. Consider then, our purpose as not to spread our seed to improve the species, but to express, or open, the wondrous genes we already have in our own bodies. Perhaps these opened genes can be passed on to our children and thereby improve the species. This is a result of pair bonding, not the goal. And it gets better!
One of the things that happens, possibly through the creation of some as yet unknown enzyme or hormone, our brains work better. We are endowed with greater awareness . However, from the bumbling buffoons within the Beltway, to the rapacious rhetoricians on Madison Avenue, this awareness is abjured! With awareness, we become difficult to homogenize and manipulate.
It is simple, but not easy. It takes love. In love there is a power beyond our wildest dreams.